On the Lows of the Divorce, Remembering Her True Self Post-Breakup and the Highs of Loving Women
There was a period when I was going through the divorce in which I felt kind of lost, and it was mostly because I had put all of my energy into my company and my charity work. I was working with Beyoncé, and I was the mother who was there anytime something went on with any one of my four girls. So you can imagine, I was stretched so thin, I had lost myself. I [then realized that] in order for me to get back to myself, I’d have to stop everything and pray. I’d have to go back and do the things that make me me. My kids obviously make me happy as do my grandchildren (Julez, Blue Ivy and Titan, Kelly’s son), but what do I really love doing? Because there is something about going through a divorce that really lowers your self-esteem—it doesn’t matter what you’re doing, what you look like or what you have. I was running a company but, all of a sudden, I felt incapable of taking care of myself. It’s crazy. [Divorce] takes you for a loop.[I thought,] ‘When was the last time I went to a museum? I love art and have all these art books. I’m going to read them. I’m going to visit my friends. I’m going to do all the things I love that I didn’t have the energy or time to do.’ One of the things I asked myself was, ‘If you saw yourself and all you’ve accomplished, all the good you’ve done, would you like yourself as a person?’ I would love me! You know what I’m saying? That’s not cocky, that’s the truth. I looked at my spirituality and faith, what kind of mother, friend and woman I’ve been and [thought], ‘Damn, I’m a catch.’ You have to do that for yourself sometimes. I’m a likeable friend. That’s important, too. You want to have a relationship with a man but, at the end of the day, you have to have some good ole girlfriends. When you are at your lowest, they are going to be there. A woman can understand you better than any man can. I don’t understand women who don’t love women. I love women. I just think they are magnificent creatures.
For the full interview pick up the July 2015 issue of EBONY, on newsstands now!