It’s been quite a minute since I’ve written a new edition of Shade Brigade, frankly because taking so many doses of stupid is not good for my health. I am a Black man, therefore one can’t get too cocky when it comes to my blood pressure. I didn’t want to continue the literary equivalent of eating too much scrapple. However, there’s far too much stupid, wrong, and stupidly wrong not being addressed. So, here I am. It’s nice to open up the library again.
Are you trying to be shipped to the Island of Wayward Negroes, Anthony Mackie?
Last week, Anthony “Make Daddy a Sandwich” Mackie endorsed Donald Trump for president, only to take to Twitter to dismiss it as a joke. Many of The Blacks breathed a huge sigh of relief, as we are trying very, very hard to continue our enthusiastic support of such a good actor. Then Mackie did another interview that’s prompted me to draft legislation that he gon’ somewhere and not return until he knows better.
While discussing Blank Panther, the first standalone Black superhero movie, Mackie was asked about the importance of having a Black director helm the project, and he said: “I don’t think it’s important at all. As a director, your job is to tell a story. You know, they didn’t get a horse to direct Seabiscuit! The thing is, I don’t think the race of the director has to do with their ability to tell a story. I think it’s all about the director’s ability to be able to relate to that story and do it justice. I think men can direct women, and two of my greatest work experiences were with female directors. So I think it all depends. May the best man—or woman—win.”
Well isn’t that very All Lives Matter of him. For starters, his analogy is painfully banal and purposely shys away from the reality that there’s something to be said for minorities having the opportunity to tell the stories of other minorities. White people aren’t totally incapable of telling the stories of minorities well, but if there’s an opportunity to hand it over to someone from the character’s community, why not do so? Especially when there exists a dearth of Black directors, women directors, and Black women directors.
But you know, All Directors Matter to Anthony Mackie, the faux comical Donald Trump co-signer. It should be noted that Mackie wanted the Black Panther role once upon a time, but it ultimately went to actor Chadwick Boseman. Throw your Black fist in the air.
Can we treat Lamar Odom’s situation with more Dr. Drew, less TMZ please?
I don’t blame the Kardashians for Lamar Odom’s addiction, but I will say I’m well aware of their penchant for sharing details to various entertainment outlets as part of their business model. To that end, do humanity a favor and stop treating Lamar Odom’s overdose and recovery like an episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. I don’t want to show up in the gym with a caffeine high seeing a CNN headline on Odom’s story that’s really about Khloé anymore. I don’t blame Odom’s estranged wife. I’m sure it was his mother-in-law sending tidbits to the press by bird messenger. Cut it out.
Shut up and move on, Sean Penn.
In September, Sean Penn filed a $10 million lawsuit over a comment that Lee Daniels made to The Hollywood Reporter. In the interview, Daniels defended Empire star Terrence Howard over media reports of domestic trouble, noting: “[Terrence] ain’t done nothing different than Marlon Brando or Sean Penn, and all of a sudden he’s some fu*kin’ demon. That’s a sign of the time, of race, of where we are right now in America.”
As I wrote for EBONY at the time, I did not agree with Daniels’s sentiment, but I will say Sean Penn needs to get the hell on with this lawsuit. In his lawsuits, Penn argues, “Daniels falsely equates Penn with Howard, even though, while he has certainly had several brushes with the law, Penn (unlike Howard) has never been arrested, much less convicted, for domestic violence, as his ex-wives (including Madonna) would confirm and attest.”
Yeah, Google “Sean Penn abuse” and see what all turns up. And don’t sue anyone ’round here, Sean Penn. I’m just highlighting what’s on the Google.
Jaden Smith talks like the love child of Kanye West and Tom Cruise, but y’all keep saying he’s so profound. What the hell?
I read that GQ interview in which the talented but no less fancy deep speak aficionado and when I read about him going to “mystery school” with his sister, I started hearing spaceship sounds in my head. Nice kids though.
Can someone tell Karrine Steffans she is the media equivalent of the old dude in the club doing the same old two-step?
A decade ago, the former “video vixen” turned best-selling author made a name for herself based on writing about all of the various men in hip-hop she’d sexual eruptions with and what that all meant in the grand scheme of things. It got her on Oprah, but a decade later, she’s now on VLAD TV still trying to gain attention by way of telling you who she may or may not have bedded. Aren’t you tired, beloved?
I thought we would be getting more than just that at this point. I’ve long stopped calling her “Superhead,” but I can conclude despite whatever she says in recent interviews, she’s boring.