tyga stimulated

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I am a man with many gifts. I’m great with dogs, I’m one of only 17 people on Earth who’ve learned that a big butt and a smile can actually be trusted, and no one’s better than me at eating slabs of bacon. Unfortunately, there are some talents I do not possess. One of these talents not in my possession is the ability to listen to every single song that has ever been or will ever be produced.  

Fortunately, I do not need to possess this ability to be 100% certain that Tyga’s “Stimulated” — an explicit ode to implied sex with his just-now-like-two-minutes-ago-legal girlfriend — is the worst song anyone has ever created. One because Tyga is the reheated lettuce on a week-old Junior Bacon Cheeseburger of rap music. He is consistently, aggressively, and impressively terrible. His relentless terribleness is sublime. If you called his music “trash,” Trash would start a Change.org petition demanding you apologize. But, more importantly, IT’S A SONG WHERE HE BRAGS ABOUT SEX WITH A TEENAGER HE WASN’T LEGALLY ABLE TO SLEEP WITH UNTIL LIKE TWO MINUTES AGO!

But let’s not take my word for it. Let’s take a look at the lyrics — line for line — and see exactly why this song is the worst thing that will ever happen to your ears.

“I'm stimulated

I'm at the bank, I'm penetratin'

I'm puttin' in, I'm penetratin'

I'm gettin' big, I'm stimulated

I touched the b*tch, she disintegrated”

As far as lazy sex-related rap metaphors go, I’ve seen worse. In a vacuum, this wouldn’t be too terrible. Until you remember THIS IS A METAPHOR FOR THE SEX HE’S HAVING WITH HIS TEENAGED GIRLFRIEND WHO DIDN’T ACTUALLY TURN 18 UNTIL YOU FINISHED READING THE FIRST PARAGRAPH OF THIS PIECE.

"Up in flames, I've been the flamest

I've been the hottest, you've been the lamest

I've been on the plane, you've been complainin'

Fuck the codefendant, pistol whip the plaintiff

Hit the mall, then we skip arraignment

They say she young, I should've waited

She a big girl, dog, when she stimulated"

“Up in flames, I’ve been the flamest” is one of the worse lines anyone has ever written. Which is what you need to remember when listening to this song. Tyga sat down and actually wrote these lyrics out. With edits and rewrites. This is intentional.

And, just when you’re done marveling at the fact that there are cockroaches that spit better bars than he does, he goes ahead and reminds you that HE’S VERY AWARE THAT DATING AND/OR SLEEPING WITH A TEENAGER WHEN YOU’RE A GROWN-ASS MAN IS TABOO SOCIALLY AND LEGALLY, AND HE DOESN’T GIVE A DAMN.

“Hit Sin City and syndicate it

All the time on the strip in Vegas

I got the juice but I ain't Minute Maid it

But a n*gga made it just minutes later

Shut the f*ck and let me finish, baby

I'll let you finish later

Why the f*ck you so opinionated?

Yeah you book smart but don't be gettin' paper

Shootin' craps at The Wynn

Gettin' back to back wins

Made 20 bands playin' features

And I don't need a feature for this

N*gga I'm T-R-A, triple double

Every time I ball, man that's triple double

Tom Ford, Balmain, that's triple stuntin'

Tryna get a nut only gets you nothin'

So I don't give a fuck who these niggas datin'

Tsunami the Rollie, my wrist is flooded"

Hopefully, you didn’t read that last verse. Because I didn’t either. Just thought this would be a good time to take a break and remind everyone that Michael Ray Nguyen-Stevenson was born November 19, 1989. And Kylie Kristen Jenner was born August 10, 1997.

So why the f*ck you so opinionated?

Sayin' how you do it but they ain't did it, baby

You need a demonstration

This is how you get richer, baby

I'm stimulated

I'm at the bank, I'm penetratin'

I'm puttin' in, I'm penetratin'

I'm gettin' big, I'm stimulated

I touched the b*tch, she disintegrated

Up in flames, I've been the flamest

I've been the hottest, you've been the lamest

I've been on the plane, you've been complainin'

F*ck the codefendant, pistol whip the plaintiff

Hit the mall, then we skip arraignment

They say she young, I should've waited

She a big girl, dog, when she stimulated

Did Tyga just release a single where the entire song is him telling everyone how much he enjoys sex with his barely legal girlfriend? Yes. Yes he did. Did he even bother to find a clever and/or unique way to phrase any of this? Where someone could maybe recognize it as morally reprehensible but artistically viable? No. No he didn’t. So this is basically a lazy-ass ode to statutory rape? Yes. Yes it is. Has there ever been (and will there ever be) a song worse than this? No. No there won’t be.



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