On the Divorce Is Not an Option podcast, we provide marriages with tools for success. When you get married,“I do” is your first statement; “Divorce is not an option” should be your second. Our stance on divorce is not about trapping people in some unhealthy marriage. It’s about teaching couples from Day One that husbands and wives have to be committed to working out all the problems their marriages present. To be successfully married, you have to keep the end goal in mind. The end goal is “Till death do us part.” So once divorce is off the table, never to be contemplated or discussed, the chances of a marriage lasting forever are greatly increased.
I am a guy who believes in marriage. There is nothing wrong with marriage; there is something wrong with that raggedy husband or that raggedy wife. I am not a counselor. I don’t even believe in marriage counseling as we know it; I believe in husband coaching and wife coaching. If we can get the husband to be a better husband and the wife to be a better wife, then the marriage is automatically better. How do I get husbands and wives to be better husbands and wives? Well, first of all, I don’t take any nonsense from a husband or wife. I am not afraid of losing a congregation or certification, so I can say what I want. People have been coming to me for the past eight years for relationship coaching because they seek biblically principled brutal honesty. So I don’t mind telling a husband to get intimate with his wife more often (November 2017). It felt great telling a woman, “No, you will start going to church with your husband tomorrow” (December 2017). I told a husband, “If you cannot provide. . . neither she nor I can respect you.” I told a wife, “If you can’t have sex twice a week, you don’t deserve a faithful husband” (January 2018). Told a husband, “She will follow after you have exhibited consistent leadership” (February 2018). A wife called me and said, “I was so mad, I just left! I drove to the airport. Purchased a ticket and went to my momma’s house.” My response was, “Call me from your home phone tomorrow.” She got her butt back on a plane the next morning and called me from her home phone.
I save marriages. I believe I can save them all. Recently, I was asked a very interesting question by my co-host, Tamara Derouselle, on a Divorce Is Not an Option podcast. Tamara asked, “What topic is the most difficult to discuss with couples that come to you for relationship coaching?” I took a moment to consider topics such as finances, cheating, communication and sex, but I don’t find any of those difficult to discuss. All these topics, for the most part, have an identifiable bad spouse. Bad spouse is spending all the money. Bad spouse cheated. Bad spouse lacks good communication skills. I can shake my finger at the bad spouse and say, “Hey, bad spouse: DO BETTER!” POOF! Marriage better.
But there is one topic that is always difficult to discuss. A 2011 Ohio State study found that weight gain of about 20 pounds is average among people who get married. The topic I have the most difficulty discussing is weight gain. During relationship coaching sessions, I have had to tell both men and women to lose weight, [and] increasingly, it’s men. Too many husbands and wives somehow arrive at the decision that their spouse must love them and stay attracted to them through thick and thin, and through cakes and cookies. Our wives who are mothers at least have an excuse as to how the weight was gained, but then to use that excuse for the rest of the marriage is unacceptable.
Our marriages are struggling from a lack of affection, intimacy and sex, so I am connecting the dots between weight loss, a positive attitude, being happy with yourself, being healthy (libido) and more sex. Check out the podcast as we discuss 10 Steps to Better Sex.
Tamara Derouselle is a wife and bonus mom of two boys. She is a proud member of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc., a makeup artist, an aspiring real estate mogul, an all-around side hustler and, for the past 10 years, she has been a ghostwriter and editor for some of the hottest literary works of art available in the relationship space. You can currently find Tamara creating content and co-hosting one of the podcast universe’s fastest-growing podcasts, Divorce Is Not an Option.
Steven James Dixon is a husband, father, relationship expert and author of two books: Men Don’t Heal, We Ho–A Book About the Emotional Instability of Men, and 2018’s hottest release, Love Capacity. Steven has been featured as a relationship coach on television: CNN, WGN, Arise TV (London), Flash TV (South Africa), CBS News, Fox News, UPN and the CW. He has also been featured on radio: Tom Joyner, Michael Baisden, Rickey Smiley, Doug Banks, HOT 97 (New York), KJLH (LA), WGCI (Chicago), V103 (Atlanta), 97.9 (Houston), K104 (Dallas) and many others.