I’ve really tried to stay loyal to my Monday night maker, VH1, but its latest round of TV foolishness – Basketball Wives: LA – has not been the move. In theory, this season should be good given its cast of characters. There’s the classic woman who walks around in a world that only exists within the confines of her mind (Jackie Christie); the pretty one who is super sweet yet will crack your skull open if you try her (Malaysia Prago); the pretty and funny albeit somewhat shady one (Draya Michele); the villain (Gloria Govan); that other one you don’t care about, though she rounds out the cast (uh, that new one whose name I forgot on purpose). There’s even a legitimate sociopath this season (Laura Govan). It’s like everything you want in a superficial show that you knowingly waste your time watching.
Yet, season two has been a bore. These women behave like people who’ve only known each other for two happy hours and a dinner, but want us to believe that they have a right to be vexed over not getting Christmas presents from their new friends. It’s not working for me, producers, so if you’re not going to give me the manufactured drama I crave for, I’m about to make up mine.
In the meantime, here are some replacement show ideas that can work until BBWLA gets its act together:
Draya Michele and Malayasia Make New Friends
These two are my favorites on Basketball Wives: LA because they seem to have a genuine affinity for each other. Yeah, there are actual siblings on the show, but I don’t like them on the show so let’s move on. Anyway, VH1 can follow Draya and Malaysia around as they venture through Los Angeles to find women that they truly want to be around. Or at the very least, befriend new people to throw drinks at. Whatever works fastest, but bottom line: Make new friends, ladies.
Shade (Starring Miss Lawrence and Derek J)
So technically, I should be a bit uncomfortable with these two The Real Housewives of Atlanta accessories perpetuating every stereotype found in those Men on Film sketches from In Living Color. Eh, whatever, though. Their recent Bravo special was funny, so I’m not mad if they get their own project going. Besides, “hunty,” if I’m going to hear gay Black vernacular spread through pop culture, I’d like to hear it from the mouths of the gay Black men who are part of the culture. Yes, that’s shade to Anderson Cooper, Andy Cohen, your homegirl who copies her hairdresser too much, and the confused straight Black man who knows what “shade” is courtesy of social media. And yes, I am available to be a guest on this show.
Kim Zolciak Gets A Job: This can be a three-part miniseries for all I care. I just want to see the unemployed woman who acts like she’s the busiest person walking the Earth (with an assistant, at that) find something to do that comes with a paycheck.
Anything With Sheree Whitfield: She can finally get started on those fitness DVDs or learn to sketch and sew a dress for the fashion line that never happened. Shoot, she can simply sit in a confessional room and read everyone she can’t stand. Doesn’t matter so long as I get Sheree back on my TV. I miss her.
Basketball Wives: No, Really: Hear me out. I get that not being a wife or having any affiliation to a basketball player isn’t a prerequisite to be on the show, but maybe try a little harder next time finding women who fit the title? Just a thought.
Or you know what? Just bring back Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta already.
Michael Arceneaux is a Houston-bred, Howard-educated writer and blogger. You can read more of his work on his site, The Cynical Ones. Follow him on Twitter: @youngsinick