This week, I was pleased to receive a letter from a woman whose love life sounded so parallel to mine that I had to read through her words several times to make sure I hadn’t written them myself.

“Tyomi, I started dating a guy eight months ago, and we are now in a long distance relationship because of his job relocation,” she began. “We haven’t been physically intimate yet, but things are beginning to heat up every time we see each other. How do I keep him interested in our developing sex life until we meet again to finally take it all the way?”


At first glance, I was thrilled to answer this question, because my personal experiences were about to lend “Lady A” the advice she needed. But as I began to think deeper, I realized we weren’t the only ones dealing with distance issues in a society where the Internet has made it possible to maintain relationships in two different hemispheres.

So many people miss out on the opportunity of developing meaningful, lasting relationships because of distance. And it isn’t the separation itself that turns people off, but the possibility of infidelity that may take place while apart. Lady A had a valid reason for asking my advice on how to keep things together with her new love interest, and she realized the possibility and importance of maintaining a healthy sex life even when absent in the physical presence of her partner.

Being at a distance doesn’t have to create a void in partnership, and it certainly doesn’t mean one’s sex life has to fall victim to the circumstances of longitude and latitude. The first step to creating a healthy balance in intimacy with a companion who’s inaccessible in the flesh is viewing this relationship as one big adventure waiting to be explored.

The most important thing Lady A needed to understand was that sexual interest would only be maintained between her and her partner if she was being desired by him, and if her desire for him was equally hot. So how does one strike up desire from a distance without causing sexual frustration? Thanks to technology and air travel, things have become a lot simpler, and I was able to suggest a range of options.


Sending text messages discussing sexual fantasies, previous sexual encounters, or plans for what will take place during a reunion is always a good start for keeping sexual desire high. Both men and women have been equipped with imaginations that can process sexual lingo and turn those words into arousal triggers.

Wake your partner up to a stream of sexy selfies attached to messages that affirm loyalty and desire to sexually please him or her. Be mindful of the differences in time zone, and if you’re sending photos that contain nudity, be cautious in your decision to protect your image from leaking onto the Internet. Be as dirty or demure as you please in your speech during sexting. Just remember to keep an open mind and flow with the direction of the conversation.

Create mini solo movies

There may be times when your partner isn’t available to chat or join you in erotic playtime, so show him/her what they’re missing by creating short one- to two-minute videos of yourself during arousal. Filming intimate moments of self-pleasuring while telling your partner how much s/he is missing out on is a technique sure to get the blood flowing.

Use a web camera or a camera phone to record the video and send it directly to your partner’s phone or email. Once again, with anything of a sexual nature that may be offensive to others if leaked (or incriminating), take extra precautions in keeping the material safe and locked away in password-protected folders.

Skype or webcam sex

Live video streaming makes it possible for couples oceans apart to see each other in real time and interact as if sitting right next to each other. Webcam sex is similar to phone sex, but with the addition of a moving image. Set up sexy Skype date nights with your partner and participate in mutual masturbation together. It’s a great way to deepen the bond between partners. And for women, it’s the best way to become familiar with their sexual makeup to reach orgasms more effectively. Use props or sex toys to liven up the scene, and always make sure to put your best face forward. (Being well groomed and put together strikes up arousal all by itself.)

Destination sex

Destination sex is a fantastic way to turn sex into an adventure. Meeting up in a new city that’s foreign to both partners and booking a romantic stay at an alluring hotel or vacation home will add excitement to your sexual exploits. Why perform sexually in the hometown of either partner when the beaches of Barbados are available for frisky erotic play to ensue? Embark on the journey pretending your partner is a complete stranger, and meet him or her as if you’re greeting for the first time. Destination sex creates the perfect platform for role-playing.

Phone sex

This is one of the most classic ways to have sex with anyone at a distance. Before SMS and web cameras were even thought of, phone sex was the hottest way to get your rocks off without ever touching the other person. Put on your sexiest bedroom voice, call up your lover, and speak about what you would do to each other if you were together. Be as descriptive as possible. The more graphic you are in your delivery, the more successful you’ll be in your ability to draw up your partner’s sexual energy without a touch.

Scheduling time to implement one or more of these techniques into a daily or weekly routine is the only way to ensure a long-distance romance will maintain its sex appeal.  There can be a bit of apprehension with exposing such intimate moments in pictures or on film, but when trust and a space of non-judgment has been established, there’s no need to worry. After all, having faith in a partner’s level of monogamous commitment while away is trust enough. Use a combination of these techniques to keep your partner guessing and on tiptoes of anticipation waiting until the next physical encounter.