Thanks to the emergence of popular reality shows depicting the relationships of the elite within entertainment, it seems like there’s been an increasing amount of talk about women who seem to prey on financially stable, fame-stricken men. The phrase “gold digger” made its imprint on the early years of 2000s, bringing with it a standard of behavior that seems adopted by many younger women in the limelight.

The late Anna Nicole Smith and Evelyn Lozada (who’s consistently bashed by Wendy Williams for her ability to land relationships with high profile athletes) have become infamous examples of women who aren’t shy about openly going after men of higher financial status. There’s often extreme criticism made against these types of women, and they’re often derided as women of no substance, but this can be far from the truth.

In fact, let’s pull out the life lessons that can be learned from the gold digging mentality. It may not seem like the average woman can learn from a gold digger, but there might be a few things there that can help the average woman receive the treatment she deserves from a man. But first, it’s important to differentiate between them.

The typical gold digger

It’s no surprise that these women would be the center of talk during a time when gold diggers have been put on, put up and placed in the spotlight by the entertainers that love them. Kanye West’s 2005 “Gold Digger” even topped Billboard. The typical gold digger is often scrutinized as a manipulative woman who plays the role of a lover just to be on the receiving end of a huge payday and the benefits that come along with being attached to someone who rolls in elite circles.

The refined goal digger

Certain groups of women have taken the term “gold digger” and turned it into a term of endearment that empowers and encourages them to make smart decisions when choosing to date. These “refined” goal diggers seek out men who are financially well off or within elite circles—but not to be put up and kept around as trophies, but to accomplish their own goals, which often take a certain amount of funding to accomplish.

This woman, essentially, is after a man for the same reason the traditional gold digger in the traditional sense is: for power and money. But her intent isn’t all about gaining a portion of her partner’s riches. She’s got her own goals to accomplish, and can very well achieve them on her own, but doesn’t mind the assistance of a man of power and wealth.

There’s something the average woman can learn from someone with a gold-digging mentality, and that is to set her self-worth high and to always be aware of it. There’s arguably nothing wrong with expecting a man to work for the affections of a woman by providing her with what she needs in the areas of companionship and support, whether it be financial or emotional.

In addition, there’s nothing negative about having expensive taste or extravagant expectations from men, and dating within the realm of men who can meet those expectations. It’s selective yet effective dating.

For a woman with a gold-digging mindset, love is something to be developed all while earning trust to secure loyalty. This woman is direct and clear in what she wants, and believes that if she’s giving of her time, energy, attention, love, and even her body to a man, she has a right to demand what she desires from this man.

Relationships are all about a balance in give and take. And the ideal healthy relationship has an equally reciprocated attraction and love that serves as the base of the relationship. But what serves as attractive is subjective for each person. Some may find looks to be the most appealing. Others may find another aspect attractive, whether it’s personality, material possessions or a healthy bank account.

The most important thing to take away from the “gold-digging” mindset is to set a goal in a relationship and stick to it. If respect and longevity are what you’re after in a relationship, those desires should be expressed and challenged. The men who have the financial means to take care of these women spare no expense in making them comfortable and happy to get what they want in return for their display of love.

If more women were aware of exactly what they wanted from relationships and demanded those things, there might be an increase in success stories of women gaining the meaningful and loving relationships they seek. Each person expresses and receives love in one of five ways (often defined as a love language), and gold diggers just so happen to equate love with gift-giving.