They say expressing your feelings leads to healing — and no one knows that better than renowned rapper, father and husband to Beyoncé, JAY-Z.

In a recent lengthy interview with The New York Times Style Magazine, Hov opened up about his family life, while humbly admitting to the past infidelity that almost lead to the ultimate demise of his marriage.

“You know, most people walk away, and like divorce rate is like 50 percent or something ’cause most people can’t see themselves. The hardest thing is seeing pain on someone’s face that you caused, and then have to deal with yourself. So, you know, most people don’t want to do that. You don’t want to look inside yourself. And so you walk away.”

Luckily, neither JAY nor Bey walked away. Despite the hardships (Jay even admitted that the pain he brought on their marriage even lead to Beyonce’s miscarriage), the rapper, who turns 48 next week, revealed that his upbringing negatively impacted the man he is today, admitting that he created “walls” around his emotions, that took years to tear down.

“[Growing up how I did] you go into survival mode, and when you go into survival mode what happen? You shut down all emotions. So even with women, you gonna shut down emotionally, so you can’t connect [because of the way you feel about yourself]. In my case, like it’s, it’s deep. And then all the things happen from there: infidelity …”

The star revealed that both he and his wife used their art—music — as “therapy” to heal. He also admits  he was there for the making of Bey’s confessional album, Lemonade, and although it was painful to hear and watch his wife of nearly a decade reveal those things on record, it was necessary.

“We were using our art almost like a therapy session. …  We were sitting in the eye of that hurricane. The best place is right in the middle of the pain. And that’s where we were sitting. And it was uncomfortable. And we had a lot of conversations. You know. [I was] really proud of the music she made, and she was really proud of the art I released. And, you know, at the end of the day we really have a healthy respect for one another’s craft. I think she’s amazing.

I grew so much from the experience. But I think the most important thing I got is that everything is connected. Every emotion is connected and it comes from somewhere. And just being aware of it. Being aware of it in everyday life puts you at such a … you’re at such an advantage.”

Talk about growth. We’re happy that couple was able to move on, even expanding their family into a party of five. Check out JAY, Bey, Blue and twins Sir  and Rumi Carter vacationing in Miami here.