Michael Arceneaux, EBONY.com contributor and Master of Shade, calls out five of his biggest gripes from the past week. Rejoice and be read. 
1. Neo Soul Nudes: I’ll just start off by saying I’m very afraid of offending 4Chan for fear of them exposing my penis and butt cheeks to the world if they feel like I got too out of pocket in my critique of them exposing celebrity nude pictures. Still, since it’s #factsonly ‘round these parts, everyone who played a role in violating the privacy of celebrities – and most recently Jill Scott – should go sit down and sip on a bleach martini. As for the people who went out of their way to disparage Ms. Scott’s body, I hope you look like Jesus after a workout with Shaun T, otherwise you can do the world a favor and shut the hell up.


Lastly, while I certainly think Jill Scott is right to be upset with having her privacy invaded, we collectively need to have more mature attitudes about taking nude pictures. It’s not about being “too smart” or “graceful” to take them. Human sexuality and all the behavior it encompasses is natural and perfectly fine. What’s not okay is invading someone’s personal space. Now, take your flicks, but chop off your heads in the edits. It’s real out here.


2. Let The #Beyhive Honor Beyoncé In Peace: On Thursday, the world celebrated the birth of the woman I call my lord and gyrator, Beyoncé. Not surprisingly, the tasteless, no respect for greatness having contrarians of social media tried to soil the occasion. Granted, they weren’t successful, but their efforts are noted and they are pitied all the same for it. Did Beyoncé tell me happy birthday? No, but she didn’t see your tweet either so you’re no less useless by your own deluded line of thinking. Fall under a pointy rock, sit there, simmer, and mind your damn business. #BeyDay is a day for joy and love, not saltiness and sucker moves.


3. Minimum Wage Hike Haters: Most Americans are overworked, underpaid, and living check-to-check as prices skyrocket and refuse to match inflation. And yet, many people go out of there way to argue against why people fast food workers don’t deserve the $15 an hour wage they’re asking for. Here’s a thought, foolish Americans who have fallen for the okie doke: Wealthy, selfish people do not need your help in being greedy monsters. They’re doing a mighty good job on their own as evidenced by the Center for American Progress finding minimum wage workers earn $4,700 less dollars in 2014 than in the late 1960’s. Or put it this way: millions of Americans are paid “Motivation” wages for “BEYONCÉ” quality work. It’s not fair.


Yes, I get that the American dream has you convinced that one day you’ll get rich, and thus, must be an equally money-hungry monster, but it’s about time you grow up and buy a clue on your too high interesting having credit card.

4. Practice What You Preach, O’Reilly: Arch nemesis of Black people, had the nerve to dismiss criticism of Jon Stewart by saying: “So, here is the Factor tip of the day: When you hear something on a partisan-driven program, do not believe it. And that includes the ‘net. Don’t believe this stuff. Distortions are how some people make a living. Stewart’s going for the laugh. He doesn’t really care if it’s true or not.”

This man just took self-awareness and the truth and proceeded to verbally defecate on it with a smug smile on his face. Well, that’s Bill O’Reilly everyday, but wow, this is especially bold of him.



5. Resist The Urge To Be Fake Deep, Fab: It’s one thing for Jaden Smith to tweet like someone with a fifth grade reading level given he probably spent many days ignoring his tutor. However, when you’re Fabolous’ age, there’s really no point in trying to sound like a college freshman majoring in philosophy and marijuana musings. Look here, dude: The ice bucket challenge did make money, people do care about Joan Rivers, and if there’s anyone who ought to know how important it is to make something look “cool” to reel in the masses, it’s a rapper. People are always looking for acceptance, and in some cases, through the wrong means. You’re not breaking new ground on this dude, which is the biggest irony of your “follower so bad” logic. God bless.