Dear B. Scott,
I feel like I’m losing my friend. Here’s what’s going on. My homegirl and I met a few months ago when I moved to Texas. We’ve been almost inseparable ever since. We like the same types of thing, we have similar style, we enjoy going out to the same places.
Well, my homegirl recently moved about 20 minutes further away. We both have cars, we both are financially stable but I find that we’re not hanging out like we used to. We have another friend who lives closer to my homegirl now and every time I look up on social media they’re doing something out that way.
I wouldn’t call it jealousy, because I don’t care who my homegirl hangs out with…but it almost feels like I’ve been replaced for a more convenient friend. I’ve been making an effort to hang, but I’ve been getting the ‘too much traffic’ excuse lately — only to see her and our other friend on Instagram at the neighborhood happy hour spot that she ‘walked’ to.
What should I do?
Dear Love Muffin,
Often times, when people move to new places they form ‘friendships’ out of convenience just for the sake of not being lonely. They latch on to the first person or first few people they meet because at the end of the day, everyone wants someone to hang out and spend time with.
However, once you take away everything that makes the friendship convenient — in this case, proximity to the same things — you realize that you may have bonded over those same things, but not necessarily have bonded with each other.
I don’t know how ‘close’ you two have become over the last few months — but I do know that there’s not a true friend in the world that I wouldn’t suffer through a few extra minutes in traffic for if it meant spending meaningful time with them.
Now, if we’re talking a casual acquaintance — you can forget it. I’ll sit right down on this couch and see them ‘some other time.' I might even spend that time down at the local happy hour spot.
The point is, people will make the effort to spend time with people they truly want to spend time with. If your homegirl isn’t doing that, then maybe you should take a step back and evaluate your friendship.
Living in a new place can be lonely — but sometimes depending on a fake friend to uplift your spirits can be even lonelier.