Dear B. Scott: I'm a new mother and my husband is great! But ever since our child was born, well, things seem a little off. He's a loving person and a caring father, but I've noticed a change in him. He's more temperamental and it seems that he feels like it's only my responsibility to take care of our child.
I don't want to ask him, because he might take it the wrong way. I just don't know if it's something I'm doing wrong. Any advice?
Hey love muffin,
Having a new baby can be a stressful experience that can challenge even the most loving of couples. Mothers and fathers adjust to having a baby in different ways.
I would start off by talking and empathizing with him. Give him a chance to express how he feels and use it as an opportunity to voice your concerns. More than likely you’re both experiencing the same things; higher anxiety levels, sleep deprivation and changes in your normal routine. All of which would make any person more temperamental.
The most important thing is to remember that you are a couple. Make sure you set aside some time to improve your relationship. Maybe try adding a ‘date night’ at home once a week. It doesn’t have to be extravagant. It might be a great time to spice things up a bit in the bedroom as well! But giving your current circumstances, I would say hold off on making more babies…
When it comes to sharing responsibilities, make sure you’re both clear on who is to do what. Often times men and women have pre-existing ideas of gender roles; he may feel as though it’s the primary responsibility of the woman to care for the child. If that is the case, you should acknowledge his views and and discuss how you would like child-rearing to be handled in your household.
Anytime you make a major addition or change to your relationship equation, the dynamic is going to be altered. Being a parent is such a blessing and I know you both can make it work!
Love,
B. Scott
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