An Open Letter From A Woman with Cancer

“In every crisis there is a message. Crises are nature’s way of forcing change—breaking down old structures, shaking loose negative habits so that something new and better can take their place.” — Susan L. Taylor

Most of you have followed and witnessed my growth so you know my life has never been perfect. I started 2017 with a tornado slamming our home, leaving us living in a hotel for months. Many of you have also noticed that I have had several medical hardships prior to 2017, but in 2017 as well. However, it wasn’t until December 11, 2017 that I met my crises; this was when my hematologist informed me that I had Multiple Myeloma.

Now I know most of you (like me), are thinking, “What is Multiple Myeloma?’ So, let me tell you… Multiple Myeloma is a type of blood cancer that develops in the bone marrow. (READ MORE HERE)

From the moment he spoke those words, I was overwhelmed with emotions. While waiting for the doctor to return to the room, I texted several individuals who I knew were waiting to find out the results of the bone marrow biopsy. Then I called several people that I felt would keep me encouraged …none of them answered! That is when the tears began. This is the beginning of something tough and I am going to have to go at it alone, was my thought and fear.

Before I could leave that room, God sent me the first of many things I needed to fight against …UNDERSTANDING! This understanding came during a call with my girl Ty. She literally said everything I needed to hear to stand and move forward because I was stuck! She made me grasp things that I knew but had allowed fear to snatch in that moment. So, my, “Why me?” turned into “Why not me?”

As a person who suffers from anxiety and depression, I felt myself slipping and I felt powerless. I was praying, and people were encouraging me but I couldn’t shake the fear and anxiety that accompanied the diagnosis. All my thoughts were negative, although I spoke life to others. I felt defeated and I was wearing the mask because as a “strong woman,” I needed to be a strong woman.

Returning to my church home, being fed what my soul craved, praising, and worshiping was not what the doctor ordered (pun intended), but it was just what I needed. And so, my faith was strengthened to a place that allowed me to see that this crisis was the universe’s way of getting my attention and forcing me to change. Did I still cry occasionally? Yes! Did I still have moments? Yes! Did I have faith? Yes! Was I ready to fight? BUT OF COURSE!

The 15 days expired, and I attended my appointment with my mother and my friend Dori. Yep, I was all nerves but kept I praying and I posted something on Facebook that put me right back in check, “My nerves are all over the place but so is God!”

And just like that, I was ready!

Long story short, the hematologist informed me that while the cancer is there, it is in a smoldering phase  (asymptomatic) and no treatment is needed at this time. For now, all I need to do is be tested every two months.

I told my kids our theme for this chapter was all faith, not fear but girl …

I was scared as hell! The 15 days I had to wait for my next appointment seemed more like 15 years. However, while I waited, I invested more time and energy into something familiar… My faith in God!

Read more at Phat Girl Fresh.

 

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