Sexual arousal is pretty straightforward. When erogenous zones are physically stimulated or when the mind is stimulated with sexual words or images, the body prepares for sex. In some cases however, more than a kiss on the neck or a stroke at the genitals is necessary for complete sexually fulfillment. And this is where fetishism comes in. The word fetish is commonly used in mainstream conversation when describing an undeniable attraction to something, but the true definition is quite different.
When sexual in nature, a fetish is defined as an object or situation that stimulates sexual arousal. These objects or expressions are needed for a sexual experience to feel complete. But fear of being judged or shamed prevents many fetishists from revealing their cravings, leaving many sexually unfulfilled.
Men predominantly practice fetishism, yet the subject is rarely spoken about amongst African-American men. Members of the Black community are slowly beginning to become more open with discussing sexuality in open forums, but the omission of the topic of fetishism leaves many men feeling insecure about their desires.
The average person rarely understands how objects or situations that hold no obvious sexual merit can sexually arouse some people. And because of this lack of understanding, many who live with fetishes tend to keep their desires a secret for fear of being judged harshly and rejected by their partners.
When practiced in moderation and expressed in a healthy way, fetishes can bring fulfillment and variety to a couple’s sex life. The following is an explanation of some common sexual fetishes and how to incorporate them into sexual experiences.
There’s nothing blatantly sexual about the act of spanking, but many regard this common fetish as a sexual stimulant. Pain and pleasure both activate the same part of the brain, and for some people, both feelings become synonymous. Spanking physically stimulates the butt and the backs of the thighs, sending blood and more oxygen to erogenous zones already known to strike up arousal. Because of this, a smack to the ass can prove to be sexually stimulating for some.
For the person who wants to incorporate a bit of spanking to have an orgasmic experience, here are a few tips. First, secure the trust of your partner and receive clear consent to use this type of force during sex. Communication about how to properly perform the spank is essential. Once a level of comfort is established, various sex positions and toys can be experimented with in order to achieve the perfect sexual balance for both partners while using spanking.
It’s no secret that the booty is one of the most beloved parts of a woman’s body, but those who enjoy this fetish take the admiration to an extreme. Ass worship, as its name suggests, is the act of a man worshiping a woman’s derriere. (This is a common fetish amongst AA men.) During this act, the adoring man buries his face in between his partner’s cheeks and becomes aroused.
There are various sex positions dedicated to ass worship, including “the sandwich” and “the crab,” enabling this fetish to be used as a form of foreplay. To incorporate ass worship into a sexual experience, the male partner should use a full body massage to relax his partner, making sure to focus on her bum. Before going into oral sex, he can use this fetish technique to build up anticipation.
This fetish is the most common of them all and is considered to be a form of “partialism” (sexual interest with an exclusive focus on a specific part of the body). Strong adoration for feet drives many men into sexual heat whether the feet are in their natural state or dressed in high heels or stockings. The smell, size and shape of the foot are all points of attraction, in addition to services such as massages or pedicures.
This fetish is one of the easiest to pull off during sex and can be expressed in many safe and healthy ways. Incorporate a foot fetish during sex by introducing foot massages into foreplay, covering the feet in sexy stilettos or nylon stockings or by wearing decorative socks. Using missionary sex positions where the legs are elevated and the feet are placed close to the mouth also work in fulfilling a foot fetish.
Getting into character and putting on an act as a means of sexual arousal is commonly depicted in movies before a steamy love scene. Individuals who enjoy role playing use costumes, furniture, props and specific locations to act out their erotic passions. One doesn’t have to be a strict fetishist at all in order to enjoy the benefits of role-play during sex.
To incorporate this type of play into the bedroom, partners should discuss scenarios that interest them both and prepare the necessary tools needed to bring the fantasy to life. Play up the dedicated secretary scenario. Pretend to be strangers meeting at a bar for the first time attempting a one-night stand. The possibilities are endless as long as both partners agree to the experience.
It will take many more years for healthy expressions of fetishism to become a societal norm, but until then, it’s up to all of us to uncover and accept the kinky side of our own sex lives.
Glamazon Tyomi is a freelance writer, model and sex educator with a deeply rooted passion for spreading the message of sex positivity and encouraging the masses to embrace their sexuality. Her website, www.glamerotica101.com, reaches internationally as a source for advice and information for the sexually active/curious. Follow her on Twitter at @glamazontyomi.