Sex within a committed relationship is always a fun and liberating experience, especially within the confines of a marriage that’s rooted forever in mutual love. The honeymoon stage always establishes an increase in sexual desire. But before getting it in until the cows come home, there are a few things a newly unified couple needs to know about sex.
1. It’s Better When You Talk About It
Talking about sex can be pretty intimidating for some partners. The good news is, there are counselors and sex educators available to act as mediators for newlyweds, or those on the brink of marriage. They can help couples bring up those telling questions that are needed to paint a realistic picture of sexual compatibility.
Without having an idea about turn ons, mood killers, favorite positions, or even what’s constituted successful or epic fails in the past, a couple can’t move forward in a completely fulfilling sexual relationship. It becomes a guessing game where the blind are leading each other into a bedroom boom that will fall flat.
Talking about sex helps partners to build intimacy and trust, the key elements needed to make any sexual experience great. Make a commitment to communicate before heading into the bedroom to consummate the marriage, and check in with each other about likes, dislikes, what can be done differently and what should be tried the next time around.
2. Experimentation Is Healthy
You’re married now, which means you have the ultimate pass to be as freaky and open with your partner as you want to be. No more worrying about unwanted pregnancy or the scare of catching something that might be incurable. Gone are the days of fretting about being judged for a lack of skill or for being freaky beyond belief. When you’re with your partner, anything goes, and to avoid getting into a routine where sex becomes the same song and dance every night, experimentation is key.
The only rules to sex are the ones you create for yourself, but in the grand scheme of things anything goes, as long as it doesn’t harm either partner involved. Switch things up and keep them spicy by experimenting with different positions, sex toys, sexual aids (like furniture and swings), even sex in public places. (Just make sure you don’t get arrested.) Get a little role-playing action in to explore a creative side; turning sex into a game can change Saturday night from a quiet dinner in to a night filled with erotic exploration.
However you decide to experiment, make sure to have fun with it. Your partner has vowed to give him-/herself to you fully so take advantage (with consent, of course).
3. Your Sex Life Will Change
You’re in the honeymoon stages of the relationship now, where you’re experiencing a unique blend of chemicals and hormones that have you infatuated and begging for more of your partner with each passing day. This will lead to multiple sexual experiences on a weekly basis, leaving you way optimistic about your sexual future.
Alas, as time moves on, the world and everything in it (including your marriage and views about sexuality and yourself) will change. When work responsibilities flip, if children come into play or if health issues suddenly appear, these things and others can dampen the libido (or may just cause a slight increase of desire).
No matter what the circumstances are, as times change, so will your views about sexuality. And this is where talking about sex becomes the most important. It’s typical to become upset or believe there’s something wrong when these changes arise. But there’s nothing to fear; this happens to everyone. If changes in libido or sexual desires are too great to handle on your own, seek out sex coaching or relationship coaching to straighten things out.
4. You Have a Lifetime to Figure It Out
You entered into the relationship with your partner for better or worse for a lifetime, which means you have a lifetime to figure our your sex life and how things will ultimately play out. Time will change, the relationship dynamic will grow, new experiences and shifting awareness about various forms of sexual expression will come into play. All these things will inevitably bring about changes. There’s no need to worry about figuring it all out at once, because there’ll be so many over the course of your relationship. Embrace the changes that arise and realize that you’ll have forever to figure it all out.
A new relationship rooted in a lifetime of commitment is exciting, sometimes a bit intimidating. But by making a commitment to flow with the changes life brings, one can learn how to maintain sexual desire over a lifetime. After all, this is a marathon, not a race. Go slow and steady.
Glamazon Tyomi is a freelance writer, model and sex educator with a deeply rooted passion for spreading the message of sex positivity and encouraging the masses to embrace their sexuality. Her website, www.glamerotica101.com, reaches internationally as a source for advice and information for the sexually active/curious. Follow her on Twitter at @glamazontyomi.