Whenever we reach a milestone in life, we tend to reflect on where we’ve been, where we are currently and where we want to go. My friend came to visit me a few months before his 30th birthday. We talked about all that he’d achieved so far, and what he hoped to accomplish once he hit the big 3-0. He mentioned he wanted a better job, to travel more and be more explorative in life. We also discussed a certain bucket list that isn’t shared as often: The Sex Bucket List.
My friend’s list was just about complete except for the fact that he wanted to increase the number of partners he had sex with.
“I want to sleep with 30 women by the time I’m 30.”
He told me this with a serious face and I looked at him A) like he was crazy, and B) with a curious fascination. “Why?!” I exclaimed.
“It’s just something that I want to do,” he said matter-of-factly.
At that very moment, I realized that I didn’t have to understand why he felt the need to sleep with the same amount of women as his age. But our conversation did make me think about how all of us probably have certain things we’d like to experience in the bedroom.
Think about it. We all have a “list” of things we’d like to achieve sexually in our lifetime. Hell, we might not even be conscious of it, but it is there. No, it may not be an act as extreme as sleeping with four people at once in broad daylight. (If that’s your thing, no judgment here.) But there are definitely a few key things that many of us would like to experience. The problem is that we just don’t talk about it.
Sex is a topic that no matter how naturally innate it is, you’re told to keep private about it. Men and women may discuss it with their friends, but generally the practice is frowned upon in the public sphere. One of the few acceptable means of discussing sex without actually talking about it at all is with an “expert” of some sort or by looking up articles on the Internet.
Instead of listing a bunch of sexual activities that everyone should do before they die (like all of the other thousands of articles here on the Internet), I’d like to focus on helping you to create your very own Sex Bucket List. Sure, I could tell you to have sex in the middle of the Pacific Ocean during a cruise or get it on in front of an audience. Yes, I could tell you to engage in group sex or incorporate wickedly wild fantasies, like random sex in a bowling alley parking lot. But everyone’s sexual appetite is different, and we should explore it as long as no laws are violated and things are consensual.
1. Be Honest About Your Sexual Desires
Before you can even begin to execute the things on your Sex Bucket List, you must first figure out what it is that you want and why. By acknowledging that we are in fact sexual beings for the most part, the likelihood of finding the correct partners to satisfy us increases. And personally, I’d like us all to be satisfied in that department.
2. Assess How Far Out of Your Comfort Zone You’re Willing to Travel
For some, anything goes when it comes to sex. If you’re not the type to live on the edge, then it’s time to be realistic about what you will and will not do. Do not sign up to have sex with a complete stranger if you have issues with abandonment. It isn’t wise to propose a threesome to your partner if you’re possessive or jealous. Knowing what you will and will not stand for minimizes tension and further increases the chances of enjoying the encounter.
3. Think Outside of the Bed
The most exciting thing about a bucket list of any kind is the element of anticipation it brings. Rarely do you see something that’s pretty much the standard on one’s Sex Bucket List. I’m not going to sit here and tell you not to add “missionary” to your list, but the idea is to have things on there that have not been done. So do your missionary, just do it on the hood of a car instead of the bed. That’s if you haven’t done that already.
4. Be Ready to Be Disappointed
You’re not going to like everything on your Sex Bucket List, but that’s the beauty of it all. It gives you a chance to figure out exactly what gets you off… literally. So go into the experience viewing it as just that: an experience. At the very least, you can say you did something that you’ve always wanted to do once instead of wondering what it feels like. Challenge yourself.
Shantell E. Jamison is a Chicago-based writer, radio personality and cultural critic. She’s also JET magazine’s digital content editor. She’s been featured on WBEZ 91.5FM, The Monique Caradine Show, Vocalo 91.1FM, KDKA Newsradio 1020AM, WBGX 1570AM, WYCA 102.3FM, Chicago Now, The Grio, The Black Youth Project, The Gate Newspaper and “Launching Chicago with Lenny McAllister.” Her debut book, “Drive Yourself in the Right Direction: Simple Quotes on How to Achieve Your Best Self” is available now at Amazon.com.