box of chocolates

50 Shades of Valentine’s Day Clichés

The holiday of love is almost upon us. Sexpert Glamazon Tyomi provides some pointers for turning V-Day clichés into serious sex fulfillment

box of chocolates

It’s that time of the year again when Hallmark gets to see a boost in its yearly sales. Yes, I’m talking about Valentine’s Day, and this year thousands of couples will set out to make this year’s “Day of Love” better than the last. Gift exchanges and romantic dinners for two are common activities to expect this February 14, but sex is the real deal on everyone’s brain.

Couples can experience sexual activity on any given day of the year, but Valentine’s Day is the one day people give themselves permission to play with various forms of erotic expression. With every holiday comes a set of clichés expected to be performed by millions of people who partake in the day’s festivities, and when it comes to the holiday of love, the sexual clichés are no less than epic. Sexual fantasies take center stage during this time of the year, but in the midst of dopamine-fueled experiences, safety must be held to the highest priority. 



Consider these safety precautions and fun ways to spice up sexual clichés before the break of dawn on V-Day.

Whipped cream and cherries, strawberries…

To liven up the oral sex experience, it’s a common cliché for men to use sweet treats on his lover’s nether regions. But using the vulva as a sundae dish can cause discomfort after the fun ends. The vagina is resilient and self-healing, but the ecosystem that creates a healthy balance of good and bad bacteria can be thrown off easily.

Yeast is a natural element contained within the vagina, but when sugar is added into the mix, it causes candida to spread rapidly—creating a yeast infection that may take days to clear up. Getting creative with dessert can be a fun way to experiment. But if these condiments are going to be used anywhere on the genitals, a barrier must be used to prevent infection, predominantly for the female partner.  

Using plastic wrap to cover the vulva is a great way to experiment with sweet toppings during foreplay. It’s an extra step that may prove cumbersome for some, but it’s a necessary step. Use the flat, fleshy mound of the mons pubis as the serving platter for his dessert. Placing the thighs together further creates a barrier between the sweet treats and the vagina. Create a whipped cream sundae topped with strawberries and chocolate syrup and turn the feast into a challenge to see how seductively and thoroughly dessert can be devoured.   

Turn his solid rod into a chocolate-covered banana by using a banana-flavored condom covered with chocolate syrup. And make sure to clean up after this creative foreplay by taking a quick shower to wash off. This prevents the accidental spread of sugar into the vagina.

Whips and chains, handcuffs…

Valentine’s Day has a way of bringing out the adventurous side of many, and with this year’s sexual theme focusing on the eroticism of kink play (hello, Fifty Shades of Grey), dozens of couples will choose to experiment with various forms of submission and restraint. Wrist cuffs, satin blindfolds, handcuffs adorned with fur, paddles, floggers and feather dusters are just a few of the kinky sexual aids expected to fly off of the shelves within the days leading up to V-Day.

But before putting these toys to use, caution must be used in learning how to properly use them. Sex education is necessary when experimenting in the area of kink, and there are several online communities where interested parties can gather information on how to practice safely. Before purchasing any of these accessories, talk about limits and set safe words just in case the play becomes uncomfortable. Experimenting in this area is all about testing personal limits.

For the beginner who may be interested in kink, beginning with a satin blindfold and a satin scarf to bind the wrists together is a great start. The blindfold restricts the sense of sight, causing the other senses to heighten (which intensifies the experience). The satin scarf is less stressful on the wrists, yet provides enough restraint to test limits. 

Hitting the Westin with her best friend…

Creating the ultimate male fantasy of a ménage à trois always sits high on the list of acceptable Valentine’s Day antics, but this cliché can go horribly wrong if it isn’t planned out in advance. For a couple whose sex life is strictly vanilla, approaching a threeway can be pretty intimidating. But the key factor in pulling this cliché off without a hitch is to place the control in the hands of the female partner.

Allowing her dominion over the woman who’ll ultimately share the man of her affections is essential in reducing performance anxiety and the possibility of jealousy rearing its ugly head during the experience. Choosing a woman who is non-judgmental and comfortable with both partners is ideal, and having a threeway discussion before entering the bedroom is critical.

Make plans for a casual lunch or a night out for cocktails where conversation can be kept light but on target for how the threesome will play out. Make sure to use different condoms when switching vaginas. But most importantly, confirm the STD status of all parties involved. The threesome experience is all about having every person involved in the sexual experience—whether one watches while the other two are involved, one performs on two, or all three are in positions of pleasure.

Experiment with various techniques, and make this Valentine’s Day one for the history books. The holiday is all about showing love to yourself and the special ones in your life. This year, make a commitment to explore each other in ways that haven’t been attempted before. Be safe, be free, but most importantly, have fun.

Glamazon Tyomi is a freelance writer, model and sex educator with a deeply rooted passion for spreading the message of sex positivity and encouraging the masses to embrace their sexuality. Her website, www.glamerotica101.com, reaches internationally as a source for advice and information for the sexually active/curious. Follow her on Twitter at @glamazontyomi.





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