Communicating desires and needs within a relationship can sometimes become an awkward experience, but it doesn’t have to be. In fact, there are several unique ways to keep your partner in the now with you and your changing desires all while building intimacy and trust. Take a look at these unique ways to get conversations about sex off the ground floor.
1. Write a love letter
There’s nothing more nostalgic than putting pen to parchments and penning a letter to a beloved, especially during a time when going paperless and using SMS and emails is the norm. Evoke a spark of romance into your relationship by using a few rhyming words to paint a picture of your desires or concerns. You don’t have to be Shakespeare or use elaborate words. Just speak in a way that you know will be appealing to your beloved. Whether it makes her smile or it turns him on, this form of communication softens topics of relations and makes them easier to consider.
2. Watch a movie with the theme as a conversation starter
Movies tell stories that can often relate to real life, and sometimes an easy and effective way to tell a person how you feel is to allow someone else to do it. As a way to make communication about your new sexual desire easier, find a movie (it doesn’t have to be porn) that tells a story or contains a scene that describes or acts out a fantasy or desire you may have. Be observant of how your partner reacts to the scene that’s unfolding when it plays out. After the movie is over, have a discussion about it to find out what your partner thinks about what took place. This is a great way to soften a subject that’s already a hot button topic.
3. Create a suggestion jar
A suggestion jar serves as a constant reminder that your relationship is forever changing, even in the sex department. The idea behind the jar is to create a common ground where both partners can place their ideas, fantasies and concerns inside of a clear container placed in an area where it can be easily seen. It’s like having a piggy bank for your sexual concerns.
Grab a large pickle jar or a plastic container with an opening large enough for a hand to pass through and take off any labels. Place a new label on the jar naming it whatever you agree on, whether it’s just for fantasies or areas that need improvement. Use Post-It notes or small pieces of paper to write the entries on and place them into the jar. From week to week, make a commitment to pull two entries from the jar and work on what’s suggested. This is a simple way to communicate about sexual health while adding an element of surprise.
4. Play a game of truth or dare
Playing a classic game of truth or dare is a lighthearted way to reveal what a partner has been thinking but may have been too afraid to admit it to self and to you. The dare side of the game provides the opportunity for lovers to challenge each other to step outside the box of normal sexual comfort and do something different. Make this game as naughty or as demure as you would like, but always keep the objective of discovery and honesty in mind. This is also a way to spice things up in the bedroom outside of the typical suggestions.
5. Send it in a text or email
Text messages can serve as a way to communicate instantly or on the fly with the use of graphics and photographs to drive the point home. Sometimes explaining what you want to say is as simple as sending a photo, a meme or a voice message that will make sure your point of view or desire is understood. Emails and texts can seem impersonal to some, but for the lover on the go whose communication is strictly based on telecommunications, sending texts or emails is crucial.
6. Use a mediator
There are some conversations about sex that can be intimidating to handle alone. Subjects such as sexual health, hygiene, or the thought of adding a third person to sex may be easier to articulate with a mediator involved. Whether consulting a sex therapist, relationship coach, pastor or a good friend with sound advice and the ability to be neutral, bringing in a third party to keep the conversation focused is yet another simple way to communicate about awkward topics that would typically go undiscussed.
Glamazon Tyomi is a freelance writer, model and sex educator with a deeply rooted passion for spreading the message of sex positivity and encouraging the masses to embrace their sexuality. Her website, www.glamerotica101.com, reaches internationally as a source for advice and information for the sexually active/curious. Follow her on Twitter at @glamazontyomi.