Dear B. Scott,
I recently found out that I was pregnant. At first I was hesitant, but I ended up telling my boyfriend and how he doesn’t want me to keep it. I’m grown, 24…and I’d love to have a son or daughter, but he’s not sure if either one of us are in the position financially to raise a child. We both come from unstable families, and that’s not anything we’d want our child to have.
I’m so torn and I know that you ultimately won’t be able to make the decision for me, I just need some guidance.
I believe the decision as to whether or not to have a child is ultimately up to the would-be mother.
If in your heart you want to keep the child, then I believe that you should. We all have circumstances that must be considered and affect our lives on a daily basis, including financial ones.
I want you to be optimistic about life, meaning that whatever potential challenges that may stem from having a child we rise and overcome. We all worry and have doubts about life changing decisions, but that’s a part of the beauty of life. The most unexpected things can turn out to be exactly what you need.
As far as your ‘baby daddy’ is concerned, you two may or may not have a life long relationship. Would you really want your life-changing decision to be influenced by someone who may or may not be in it forever? A hesitant father could mean one of two things. One, he’s simply afraid of the responsibility and how a new child would change the dynamic of your relationship — or it could hint at him potentially not being present in the child’s life. Neither of which would be known until after the child is present. You have to be prepared for the possibility that he will not be supportive and active in this child's life. If that is something you are not okay with, then you should take that into consideration as well.
If you have any trusted friends and family members who have been in this situation who can offer guidance and first-hand experience without attempting to force you into a particular direction, now is the time to consult with them.
Whether you give the child up for adoption, have an abortion, or keep the child…it is something that you’ll carry with you to your grave. So make sure it’s YOUR inner voice that you’re listening to when you make the ultimate decision.
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