The guy at the bar has licked his lips nine times during your conversation, yet he hasn’t touched his hot wings. Your wife stares out the window and angles her legs away from you as you drive. The two of you might be discussing holiday plans or the weather. But the body language goes far beyond small talk, say psychologists. Want to learn more? This is the last EBONY Connect University course before graduation. Time for some independent study:
I want to . . .
Attract better dates
A lot of women and men want to “go pro” in dating. But they play in the minor leagues in terms of appearance, says dating consultant Shamia Casiano. “You want to attract a guy with money? Dress like you earn money yourself. You want to attract a girl with a gorgeous body? Start hitting the gym. If you’re a fun, carefree spirit or a rocker, let that show in how you dress.”
Get approached at parties
Stand in a less-crowded part of the room. Put your cellphone away! Keep your arms uncrossed. Make eye contact and smile, advises matchmaker Amber Soletti.
Tell if (s)he’s interested in me
Involuntary signals include dilated pupils, steady gazes, rapid blinking, blushing, lip licking. (S)he may preen clothing, hair, etc., while looking at you or (s)he may unconsciously mirror your movements.
Kindle sexual tension
If you’re always that guy in the “friend zone,” initiating too little body contact may be the reason, advises Thomas Edwards, aka The Professional Wingman, in his blog for singles. “Create a state that gets her to think about you romantically. Touching is the most important factor.” Hugging her hello, dancing close, even gently brushing that eyelash off her face are opportunities to say, “I’m more than a friend.”
Be her alpha male
Take her hand in yours as you pilot your way through a crowded bar or party, suggests Edwards. (Or you might gently touch the small of her back.) This conveys protection, leadership and connection.
Tell if (s)he’s lying
Watch for an abrupt movement (getting out of a chair, placing an object between you) combined with a change of topic. It may be an evasive gesture. Sweaty palms, intermittent eye contact, fidgeting and frequent swallowing sometimes tip off experts.
Know if (s)he’s cheating changes in your mate’s regular schedule, dress, grooming or availability may concern you. It’s best to ask what’s going on. Talking during a time when (s)he is not engaged in another activity will allow you to look squarely at your partner’s face and body (see tip on lying). Consider body cues as clues, not confirmation.