From the moment I first laid eyes on Drew, I knew we would be together. Tall, dark and handsome. An amazing smile, warm heart, brains and a body to rival Adonis himself, Drew was all I ever wanted. Alas, on a campus where the women outnumbered the men 10 to 1, I figured the chances of him noticing me were slim. I accepted that I would have to admire from afar. It was in the middle of my daily routine of admiring/stalking that Drew came over to me and introduced himself—it took all I had to keep from melting. He asked for my number and after a few days of phone calls and texts, we set up a time to go on our first date.
Almost instantly, we became lovers and friends. Drew came into my world and showed me all the things I had always felt I was missing in relationships. He was caring and thoughtful, he supported me in all my endeavors and we were able to tell each other any and everything. Before I knew it we were 2 years in, head over heels in love and not afraid to let the world know it. Don’t get it twisted, we had our share of disagreements, but nothing earth shattering enough to split us apart. As far as I was concerned I was living the fairytale. I had finally found a man that loved me as much as I loved him and together we were going to conquer the world…or so I thought.
After returning home early from weekend getaway with friends, my fairytale turned into a nightmare. I walked into my apartment to find Drew in my bed with another woman. I was so crushed I couldn’t even move. I just stood there in a trance crying and asking “Why?” over and over again. In the days following I went through phases of denial, self blame, anger and rage. I cursed Drew out and said things to him I knew would cut him to the core; I wanted him to hurt like I hurt and banned him from my life. My friends told me all the things friends say during moments like this: “Girl he didn’t deserve you,” “Don’t cry over no man that’s not crying over you,” and “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure…you’ll find a better man than him!” For awhile I sat there soaking in their words of wisdom, pretending to be strong and bashing this man I once thought would be the perfect father to our kids, but on the inside I was wondering if I had been too quick to throw him to the curb.
Drew did apologize profusely and we had many conversations about the “incident.” Prior to this he was a great boyfriend and I trusted him with my life, should all that be dismissed because he had a bad lapse in judgment? I look at our relationship before all this and I see potential for us to get back on track with some hard work and the rebuilding of trust. It sounds crazy but I don’t think it’s worth throwing away an otherwise perfect two year relationship. However, another part of me feels like I’m seeing the potential in the mirage. Was he ever a good boyfriend? Was he ever trustworthy? Or was it all smoke and mirrors so I would give him enough freedom to be the asshole he always was under the surface? My friends and family tend to agree with the latter and want me to move on from this heartbreak. But something in me just feels like we could start again. Drew filled so many missing pieces in my life and treated me the way I always dreamed and felt a man should, I don’t know if I’m ready to let go of that dream yet.
These days Drew and I see each other quite often around campus, mostly because I’ve gone back to the early days of admiring him from afar, and with each awkward glance my thoughts of reconciliation get more serious. I’m not sure what I’m going to do yet, but hopefully my heart will lead me in the right direction. I don’t believe cheating has to be the end of a relationship, I just hope that by forgiving I don’t bring on the end of my self esteem and self worth.
-As told to Danielle Pointdujour