The last time I had sex was in 2011. I had been dating this woman for a while, but I was hesitant to commit to a long-term relationship. And the very day that I told her I was ready to do so was the day she told me she had met someone else. I was hurt more than I would've ever imagined.
A few months later, after a dateless spell, I got drunk with an attractive woman and woke up later that night to find myself asleep on her couch. Normally you don’t go home with someone without some salacious intentions. But when I asked her what had happened and she said that I told her firmly that I would prefer to crash in the living room, as opposed to in her bed.
Even in my drunken state, I felt that it was wrong for me to sleep with that woman. At 27 years old, I was slowly coming to the conclusion that it was time for me to grow-up. I knew I wasn’t the man that I needed to be mainly because I didn’t know what true manhood really was.
So, I decided that I was going to do my best to define manhood and be a true manifestation of it. I read a lot of books on the subject, however, I found the best way to understand manhood was by learning from men that I admire. Two men’s stories that I instantly connected with are Malcolm X and Gandhi. Both of these men were celibate at one point in their lives, so I decided to mimic them by pledging celibacy for a year as a personal challenge. I thought to myself, “If I can go a couple of months without sex and go home with a woman and not sleep with her, then there’s nothing stopping me from going without sex for a year.
Another reason I decided to go without sex is self-control. I realized that I used those few moments of pleasure to provide the power and control that I was searching for in life outside of the bedroom. If we're not careful, lust can control us and even get us into trouble in the long run. Furthermore, I realized that I cannot tell the kid that I mentor (or anyone else for that matter) to get control over their desires until I was first in control of my own.
Lastly, I felt that it was time for me to develop a stronger relationship with the creator of this universe. I believe that this creator controls all things that happen and that l could get into good favor with that creator by sacrificing certain desires as an expression of dedication to that creator. I found that the creator will recognize and bless attempts to get in line with the spirit.
I've now gone two years without it and I’ve essentially decided not to have sex until I am in a committed relationship. It's definitely been a struggle. And I’m not sure how this will end, but I’m excited to find out.