Picture this. It’s Saturday night and you look like a million bucks. I mean, if looks could kill, they’d just have to call you OJ.
You’re at the signature fundraiser for your favorite socially conscious charity. You’re there by yourself, because well, you happen to be single. No, you aren’t on the prowl for love or anything, but you’re kinda hoping.
You’ve sashayed across the room three different times hoping to catch the eye of at least one eligible bachelor, but alas, you don’t see anyone. You’re about to sit down, admit defeat and feel slightly crestfallen that your very best ensemble didn’t really attract any new suitors when all of a sudden from across the room you spot him!
He’s tall, his smile blows you away and his suit is tailored to the gawds! He turns towards you, your eyes meet and it’s pretty obvious that he likes what he sees. Oh, snap girl, he’s walking towards you! He comes up and strikes up a conversation. To your very pleasant surprise, the conversation is fluid, very fluid actually. You spend the next 45 minutes talking about politics, the environment and the most effective crowdfunding options for socially conscious non-profits (you know, real bourgeois stuff). While it’s certainly too early to say whether or not he’s the love of your life, he certainly has potential.
You think he feels the same because he keeps going on about how he’d love to stay in contact with you after the party. He looks you in your eyes, flashes that megawatt smile and says, “Put my number in your phone.”
You gladly oblige. He walks off. And just like that—in one fell swoop—you got played faster than you can say “Joanne the Scammer.”
What went wrong? Well, it’s actually very simple.
When a man says, “Put my number in your phone,” he’s not really interested in you. Period. I know, the conversation was so great and he seemed adamant that you two stay in touch, but if he didn’t try to get your number, it was all a charade.
How do I know? I’ll tell you. When you enter a department store and spy a pair of amazingly beautiful shoes that are in your size and on sale, are you just going to walk by them and hope that somehow, perhaps by osmosis or something, they’ll just happen to land in your bag? Heck no! You’re going to buy them, put them on layaway or hide them in the kiddie department. And you’re doing that because you want them so much that you can’t leave it to chance that you’ll see them again. You’ll do whatever you have to do to ensure that those shoes belong to you. That’s just how we’re wired; we see, we like, we buy. Well, men shop for women the way women shop for shoes.
When it comes to scoping out women, men go for the chase. There’s something about seeing a woman they like, tracking her down and then going in for the kill (i.e. getting the date, the subsequent good night kiss, and so on). Men are wired to behave that way. It’s what drives them. And just like we are with our shoes, if a man is into you, he’ll do what he has to do to ensure that you’ll belong to him.
He’ll beg you for your phone number, he’ll harass your friends or bribe your known associates just to get a step closer to being in your space. That’s how men act when they’re interested. With all of that said, if you meet an intriguing guy who wasn’t even going to bother to ask you for your number and was just going to leave it up to you in terms of hearing from you again, he really wasn’t that interested (or he has an incredible self-esteem problem—that’s a totally different article).
Now you’re home from this fabulous fundraiser and claiming tonight as some sort of victory. You think you’ve met this amazing man. You’re gleefully fiddling with your headscarf, trying to think of clever things to say to this guy once you call him. Meanwhile, he’s moving on like Mya. He’s claiming tonight as a dud, because he didn’t really meet a woman who excited him. He met some girls who were cool or whatever, gave a few of them his number, maybe one of them will call and maybe he’ll pick up when said call comes in. Those are not the thoughts of a man who was excited or even remotely interested in you. That’s indifference personified and you deserve better than indifference.
Now, I’m not saying that if you were to call him, you couldn’t strike up a nice conversation and eventually develop a bond. But life’s far too short in my humble opinion to start running after a man who is just cool on you. So scroll through your phone, find his number and hit DELETE.