It’s spring again. And while most experts are talking about clearing damning things out of your closets, and lives, I want to focus on something else: Not bringing them in.
The sprinkles of warm weather, and lingering hours of daylight, mark the end of the 2011-2012 cuffing season (you know, the time when you’re linked with “the one”, whether he or she is temporary or ‘supposedly’ permanent)— and you all know what’s next…wrangling. We head to bars, lounges, parks, house parties, or what ever they do in your region and start recruiting. Who’s hot? Who’s single? Who’s too fat? Who’s too skinny? Who’s knocked up? Who’s rumored to have a wife/baby mama? Who’s rumored to have a new fiancé or husband? Most important, which situations truly disqualify a candidate from a space on your list? Be honest… at least with yourself.
Calculation is key. I’ve encountered many women — and men — who bemoan the hustle of finding a significant other in the fall, but as soon as the weather is heats up, they’re looking for a cut buddy. The summer months may be filled with lot of tickling and tapping, but as soon as the temperature drops, so do the phone calls. And the cycle continues.
If you’re in the stage where you are dating for marriage, you must do it consistently. Note: I did not say obsessively. By this I mean being mindful of who you bring into your life every season; there are no breaks. There is no “playtime”. In addition, there are more dire things at stake than merely being distracted from your goal of true “boo-dom”. The dude with superior abs and an incomparable long stroke may bequeath you a gift that you can’t return. That hot, bodied up girl you met at the club may become your child’s mother. And since neither was thoroughly vetted, you’re stuck with a demanding life sentence — and you just wanted to have fun.
Let's "do better, be better". This spring, don’t bring anyone (no matter how tempting) or behaviors (regardless of the unprecedented levels of high fun factor) into your life that isn’t on par with your long-term goals. One moment can change your forever.
Do better, be better. Talk to EBONY.com Life Coach S. Tia Brown at email@example.com.
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Licensed Therapist & Coach