The month of May has been National Masturbation Month, a time where sex-positive advocates reach out to the masses about the benefits of using self-pleasuring as a means of sexual arousal. With no risk of STD transmission or unwanted pregnancy, masturbation is the safest form of sex there is. But regardless of the countless benefits, it seems that quite a few women make excuses when it comes to accepting or embracing masturbation in their personal lives. I’ve heard a plethora of reasons why some women opt out. But the following four common concerns have simple solutions for women who secretly seek to embrace themselves.
1. Masturbation Is a Sin?
One of the major excuses I hear from women about why masturbation isn’t a common practice for them is the mystified idea that touching one’s own body is a sin. As a member of a traditional Black family who attended church every single Sunday growing up, I’ve heard this same phrase over and over again. Sanctified youth group leaders often guide young people against self-exploration, and many adults continue to hold on to those teachings despite their bodily urges.
While this certainly isn’t a statement to encourage anyone to throw away her religious beliefs or moral values, this is an attempt to bring some logic into a relationship with self that’s maybe been policed by religion for far too long. In all of my years of devout Bible reading, I’ve never seen an ounce of script that directly states sex with self is a sin. As a matter of fact, I never understood how God—who is all-knowing, everywhere all the time, forever loving and accepting of all things—would discourage his children from loving on themselves and exploring the very bodies given to them. Especially for women, since the clitoris exists solely for pleasure purposes.
For the devout Christian woman who’s grown into adulthood, it’s time to explore self. Not only are you practicing the safest and most non-threatening form of sex there is. You’re also becoming more aware of your sexual body and moving into a deeper communion with self. Eastern spiritual teachings suggest that having a relationship with your sexual body brings you closer to the creator, since we’ve all been created from the very essence of sexual energy. Remove the oppressive veil of shame away from your mind about your own body and embrace a sexual awareness that is your birthright to claim.
2. Oh, but That’s What I Have a Partner For
Many women fall into the mindset of believing sexual pleasure is only something meant for couples to share together, but this is far from the truth. In fact, practicing solo sex through the use of masturbation is the best way for partners to learn their sexual triggers of what turns them on. Before one partner can satisfy the other, each must know what touches sends them into sensory overload towards an orgasmic state.
While this exploration can be experienced as a couple, the process can become daunting and frustrating for the woman whose sexual response cycle is typically longer than that of a man’s. So while she’s just warming up, he’s ready to pop. And more often than not, she’s left unsatisfied and unexplored because he has already reached his orgasm.
If masturbation is something you don’t want to practice alone, bring your partner into the fold and allow him to explore your body along with you. It’s a great way for you to learn yourself sexually, while teaching him a thing or two about how your body works and building a deeper bond of trust and intimacy.
3. Won’t I Lose Feeling “Down There” if I Masturbate Too Often?
The clitoris is filled with 8,000 nerve endings, giving the organ its sensitive quality, but its ability to withstand stimulation is great. While it is possible for the clitoris to become desensitized with an overuse of vibrations from clitoral stimulators, participating in masturbation once or twice a week using the fingers, water jet streams, G-spot stimulation or various vulva massage techniques prevents this concern from becoming a reality.
It’s always safe to remember that anything done in excess can cause adverse effects, but a woman would have to use a vibrator every day, multiple times in a day, for the clitoris to lose its feeling. (The great part about it all is that the organ can be trained to recoup its sensitivity again if this issue does arise.)
4. I Have No Idea What I’m Doing
It’s understandable for a woman to become intimidated by the act of masturbation, especially when she has no idea of how to pet herself. As simple of a task as it may seem for a woman to bring herself to an orgasm, there is an art to handling the clitoris during self-pleasure. If the technical style of masturbation is causing you to put off the act, reference reputable sources of sex education to learn more about how to masturbate properly.
Badgirlsbible.com has a great article that lays out 10 effective masturbation techniques for women to reach the big O with ease. Whether using toys or your own God-given pleasure seekers (fingers) to arouse, the most important facts to remember about self-pleasuring is to relax during the process. The female orgasm can be fleeting, and is temperamental depending on the condition of the mind. If you hold onto anxiety while performing and anticipate the orgasm, it may never arrive. Put on some music, dim your lights, and relax your mind while exploring your sexual anatomy, using simple techniques to arouse your sexual energy.
Sometimes our own minds are our biggest adversaries, and all it takes is a simple switch in the mind to embrace a concept that is foreign. Granting permission to bring self-pleasure is highly important in moving from a place of fear to a place of acceptance with the art of masturbation. Relax your mind and let your body be free; you deserve it.
Glamazon Tyomi is a freelance writer, model and sex educator with a deeply rooted passion for spreading the message of sex positivity and encouraging the masses to embrace their sexuality. Her website, www.glamerotica101.com, reaches internationally as a source for advice and information for the sexually active/curious. Follow her on Twitter at @glamazontyomi.