There comes a time during the sexual lives of every couple where things can begin to become a stale routine. Sex begins the same way every time, each move is predictable, the same set of responses is used to show a display of sexual satisfaction. and then the experience is over—leaving at least one of the two people involved restless and craving something more. When in a committed, monogamous relationship, it’s important to add new erotic inspiration to maintain a healthy and fulfilled sex life.
If you’re at an impasse in your sexual relationship and need a source of inspiration, check out one or more of these options to spark erotic creativity and make things spicy again.
Pornography was originally created to give men a source of inspiration for sexual arousal. But nowadays, women view these portrayals of sexual acts almost as much as their counterparts. Using pornography as a tool of inspiration is a great way to create a bond between you and your partner, as well as to gain new and exciting ways to get into a sexual scenario that’s wild, crazy and fun.
The key thing to remember when viewing adult films, however, is that these blue movies are a form of entertainment, so some of the moves and situations depicted don’t translate very well into everyday life. Certain sex positions that may work for an adult starlet may not work for a woman in real life and would need to be adjusted. And sexual arousal may not happen as quickly for one partner as it does on the screen.
Sit with your partner and browse through the plethora of free video choices online, or take a trip to an adult store to glance at the variety of DVD options available. (Remember DVDs?) Categories like interracial sex scenes, voyeurism, girl on girl, bubble butts, oral sex, fetishes and role-playing scenarios are just a few of the options available from both professional and amateur performers.
Websites such as pornhub.com, clips4sale.com or the personal websites of some of your favorite starlets are great to reference from the comfort of your own home. Just make sure to clear your cookies and search results if using a shared computer, and make sure your security software is updated to protect it from spam, viruses and corrupted files. (Online porn is notorious for that.)
Agree on which types of videos to watch together and when you’ll view them. Make it an exciting event where the bedroom becomes a stage set for your own X-rated performance. Set up the bedroom as a romantic scene with candles, mood lighting and soft music, and only enter the space when you’ve gotten the inspiration you need to get it on.
Talk to other couples
Inspiration often sparks from the conversations we have with those around us, and when it comes to sex, it’s no different. When friends get together for a night of casual mingling, relationships and sex are always on the docket of discussions, and research has proven that couples who talk openly about their sex lives have healthier, more fulfilled sex lives. So the next time you have that dinner party or gathering of close friends, open the floor up for a discussion about what each couple in attendance does to keep their sex lives spicy.
You may be surprised at what you hear when people begin to open up. But this type of disclosure will give you a realistic picture of what real couples are experimenting with in order to maintain a healthy level of erotic expression. Don’t be afraid to ask questions about things that may not be as familiar to you, and take notes if you have to. There’s no reason to be bashful or ashamed of getting the full details of sexual experiences that may interest you.
If there’s a more seasoned couple in your company, embrace them as a source of trusted information and don’t be afraid to ask questions. They’re there for your sexual moral support.
Attending seminars or coaching sessions
Sex education is one of the most important aspects of gaining sexual inspiration, because without a full understanding of the sexual anatomy and how it works, we’re left to figure things out on our own with little natural knowledge of what’s correct. We are sexual beings with the birthright of having great sex, but we are not created with a sexual “how to” manual within our brains.
There are several sex educators around the globe who hold seminars about various sexual topics from “how to reach orgasm” to “how to perform tantric sex,” and they can be found online or at adult conventions such as Exxxotica, AVN or Adultcon. Jessica Drake, Dr. Ruth Westheimer and even myself lead workshops and classes about various sexual techniques and issues sure to give any couple or single individual a better understanding of the sexual anatomy.
Relationship expert Stephan Labossiere of www.stephanspeaks.com (author of How to Get a Woman to Have Sex With You…If You’re Her Husband) stresses the importance of couples referencing classes and seminars as a source of inspiration to maintain a healthy relationship dynamic.
“Many times individuals struggle to open up to their partners about their sexual desires and what may be lacking in their relationship,” she begins. “By getting assistance through the use of seminars and coaching, couples can learn how to effectively communicate with each other and may find it easier to open up, leading to improved results sexually as well as in the relationship as a whole.”
Use Google as a tool to search “sex coaches” or seminars in your area. Jujumamablog.com, created by relationship coaches Carl and Kenya Stevens, is one of my favorite sources of learning several sexual techniques to enhance your life online.
Erotic novels and self-help books
The Internet is a major source of information in this technologically advanced age, but self-help books written by experts in the field of sexuality are always a go to source for inspiration. Every couple should have a copy of the Kama Sutra on their bookshelves, as well as sex position guides.
One of my favorite Kama Sutra guides is Kama Sutra Erotica, by best-selling sex author Anne Hooper. The book features full color photos of various couples performing different stages of sexual positions and arousal, and it’s easy to read and follow. Another great book to have that covers all there is to know about sexuality is Sex for Dummies By Dr. Ruth Westheimer and Pierre A Lehu.
If oral sex is something that needs to be improved upon, Blow Him Away: How to Give Him Mind-Blowing Oral Sex by Marcy Michaels is a great choice for women; Violet Blue’s Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus gives an in-depth look into how to please her orally.
Beyond self-help books, erotic novels that depict heated scenarios of sexual scandal and romance are always great sources to use as catalysts to spark the erotic imagination. Best-selling erotic author Zane has a plethora of novels on the market, including her well-known Zane’s Sex Chronicles that are sure to get the erotic wheels of any sexual mind turning. Author Jessica N. Watkins provides a tale of ’hood love dripping with details of hot passionate sex, murder and seduction in her three-book series, Secrets of a Side Bitch (one of my personal favorites at the moment).
Read these together or separately and make time to discuss what was learned to later put these things into practice. Start a book club that includes one erotic fiction novel and one self-help book to encourage your family and friends to keep their sex lives healthy.
Whether using films, classes, references from friends or the written word to spark inspiration, the first step towards improving your sex life starts with the belief that you can. Be bold and unafraid to combine any of the mentioned methods to kick your erotic life into a new and exciting arena. You’ll be happy that you did.
Glamazon Tyomi is a freelance writer, model and sex educator with a deeply rooted passion for spreading the message of sex positivity and encouraging the masses to embrace their sexuality. Her website, www.glamerotica101.com, reaches internationally as a source for advice and information for the sexually active/curious. Follow her on Twitter at @glamazontyomi.