Masturbation: it’s common practice for men and women who want to relieve sexual tension, reduce stress and even relax before bed. (But for EBONY.com’s #Manifest November, let’s stick to the men this week.) It can become a lifelong sexual teacher, providing men with an outlet for their raging hormones. But unconsciously, many men self-sabotage their sex lives through the incorrect use of masturbation.
There’s certainly nothing wrong with the act of masturbation. It’s in fact a very healthy practice, because it provides sexual pleasure without the risk of catching STDs or causing unwanted pregnancy. But “rubbing one out” can cause unsatisfactory sexual habits if the practice is used in tandem with anxiety. Rapid release, issues with maintaining erection, difficulty in connecting with a partner, and even difficulty in having a release during intercourse are all issues that can develop if masturbation is performed too consistently, tensely and aggressively.
For men who are currently dealing with any of the latter issues, there are ways to reverse damage done to your sex life due to years of using masturbation incorrectly.
1. Don’t Be So Anxious
When masturbation is performed in a rush, or with anxiety held in the mind, the body becomes trained to release quickly… and this is often one of the causes of premature ejaculation. Instead of being in a hurry to get to the finish line, take it slow and enjoy the process of becoming sexually aroused. Remove the urgency out of the stimulation and relax while in a moment of self-pleasuring.
If a lack of time is the issue, carve out a space in the day specifically for the act instead of choosing a small window of time to get it in and over with. Sit back, relax, and remain in the moment. Take deeper breaths while petting and use a hand stroke that’s less quickened. If feelings of guilt or shame are the cause of hurried practice, get out of your own head. A grown man has a right to arouse himself in the comforts of his own space. There’s no reason to feel ashamed of taking control of one’s own sexual pleasure.
2. Know When to Stop
For some men, masturbation becomes the only form of sexual pleasure, which makes it difficult for them to connect with a woman during sexual intercourse. Once a man has his mind programmed to his version of stimulation, the feeling of a woman sometimes doesn’t have the same effect as his own hand stroke.
At this point, the best thing for any man to do is to reprogram his mind into experiencing other forms of sexual stimulation outside of himself. Reducing the amount of times masturbation occurs within a day or a week can help with maintaining an erection and facilitate in intimately connecting with a partner. Pull the mind away from solo “porn-inspired petting” and into the act of becoming sexually stimulated along with a partner. Instead of masturbating five times a day seven days out of the week, reduce that number to once in the morning and once at night during the week (or even less often), and leave the weekend open for a partner to take the control in sexual arousal.
3. Try Mutual Masturbation
Mutual masturbation is a great way for the man who’s lost a connection with his partner to revive reciprocity. Performing with a partner is all about the give and the take. During mutual masturbation, both partners can serve as inspiration for each other while being responsible for their own sexual pleasure.
Performing in front of a partner can help to eradicate feelings of shame that some men may hold against masturbation, especially if so much masturbation is due to a lack of satisfaction within his sexual relationship. By allowing a partner to join in on a private process, a level of trust can be established, and she can learn a thing or two about the right strokes to create a more pleasurable experience during intercourse.
Glamazon Tyomi is a freelance writer, model and sex educator with a deeply rooted passion for spreading the message of sex positivity and encouraging the masses to embrace their sexuality. Her website, www.glamerotica101.com, reaches internationally as a source for advice and information for the sexually active/curious. Follow her on Twitter at @glamazontyomi.