So allegedly, Kanye likes to be fingered through the “back door” behind closed doors. Let’s talk about it. The Internet was set ablaze yesterday when Kanye took to Twitter to clap back at Wiz Khalifa for dissing his new album name, Waves. During his since-deleted rant (featuring a list of reasons why Wiz is losing in life), Ye took several shots at the famed stoner rapper, including one aimed at his ex-wife and mother of his son, Amber Rose: “you let a stripper trap you.”
The mention was enough for “muva” herself to step down from her Instagram selfie queen throne to defend her name. “Awww @kanyewest are u mad I’m not around to play in ur asshole anymore?” Amber clapped back, in a tweet with blatantly targeted at embarrassing her ex. To put the nail in the coffin, Rose ended the tweet with a #FingersInTheBootyAssBitch hashtag, and in rolled the shaming tweets and memes from Wiz and muva stans alike.
When I saw these tweets, I immediately became irritated for several reasons. But my main frustration lay with society’s continual fear of sexual pleasure in non-vanilla forms, especially when it pertains to straight men.
Yes, Amber justifiably fired the ultimate clapback, and she did so in complete awareness that revealing Kanye’s openness to exploring his backside during sex would crush his image in the eyes of the general public. The world isn’t ready to fully accept the anus as just as much an erogenous zone for men as it is for women. Amber played off public ignorance to defend her honor as a sexually autonomous being. But for me, this stunt crushes the authenticity of Amber’s crusade as a sex positive authority within sexuality to end slut shaming and her advocacy for sex positivity.
Why were so many people quick to bash Kanye and label him as less-than-a-man because he enjoys the feeling of his anus being stimulated during sexual play? (Even in my defense, I can sense the side eyes.) Part of it has to do with society’s association with butt play being limited to homosexual encounters between men. And a large part of that has to do with a lack of education and awareness of what’s truly pleasurable for both sexes, coupled with the general public’s fear of going outside of vanilla (traditional) lines to explore for themselves. These harsh opinions of the public are ultimately biased based on their limited awareness of sexuality.
So let me state the facts here about anal penetration. Just because a man likes to have a finger swirled around his anal cavity during sex doesn’t make him gay or a “bitch.” It simply means he enjoys the feeling he receives from the thousands of nerve endings being stimulated by the pressure of freely roaming digits. But society can’t get past its homophobic lens to see the logic of biology.
Another little known fact about the male sexual anatomy: the male G-spot is located within the anus. Ever heard of the prostate gland? It’s responsible for creating the clear fluid that mixes with sperm to create semen. When this gland is stimulated—just like the female G-spot—it generates strong, intense orgasms without penile insertion into the vagina. I don’t make this stuff up. It’s all sexual anatomy 101. Check WebMD or MayoClinic if you don’t believe me. But they don’t teach this type of thing in schools anymore, so it’s no wonder people are confused and afraid to embrace anal play for straight men as an acceptable form of sexual exploration.
It’s beyond me why anyone would perceive any consensual act between members of the opposite sex as “gay.” But we live in a society where everything is being judged in black and white. “If he likes to have anal sex, then he’s gay” or “if a man likes his butt played with, he’s homo.” I myself hear these opinions from close friends who know my sex-positive stance on all things sexual.
My gay best friend said it best when #FingersInTheBootyAssBitch hit the fan: “Some straight men like to get their ass ate and played with. It’s kinda weird, yes, but that’s where the male G-spot is.” He considers it weird because it’s an act that typically isn’t embraced by the straight man. But even he knows that anal play between men and women doesn’t change a man’s sexual orientation. It’s non-vanilla sex play. Sexual expression isn’t as black and white as people try to make it out to be, and Kanye is hardly the only straight man who enjoys anal stimulation.
This very topic is a typical conversation spoken of in sex-positive circles amongst couples who enjoy the role reversal that often accompanies anal play for men. And honestly, I think this is one of the main reasons why many men are anti-butt play. There aren’t too many men willing to be submissive in the bedroom, especially those who are already straddling the line of confidence in their sexual performance or questioning their sexuality secretly.
But prostate stimulation is completely healthy. In fact, the act of massaging the prostate can help with unblocking built up fluids in the gland that can cause bacterial buildup and lead to an enlarged, painful prostate according to experts at LELO. The sensual stimulation that comes with prostate massage is just an added bonus.
Okay: so your favorite (or not so favorite) artist likes for his anus to be stimulated during sex. SO WHAT?! I’m pretty sure Kanye and the thousands of straight men who participate in anal play regularly have more fulfilling sex lives than most. My words may fall on deaf ears for those who’ll continue to hide in the dark shadows of sexual ignorance because of their own fear of sexual exploration and their lack of knowledge thereof. But someone has to say something to put a stop to the shaming of men who embrace themselves and all of their erogenous zones with pride.
A straight man enjoying uninhibited sex with his wife, girlfriend, F-buddy or friend-with-benefits doesn’t make him a bitch, a homosexual or less than a man. It makes him more aware of self. And if you’re a member of the public partaking in shaming in this situation, it may be time for you to evaluate your own sexual acceptance and awareness. Anal play for straight men may not be your thing, but before you cast judgment, it pays to be a truly educated opinion.
Glamazon Tyomi is a freelance writer, model and sex educator with a deeply rooted passion for spreading the message of sex positivity and encouraging the masses to embrace their sexuality. Her website, www.glamerotica101.com, reaches internationally as a source for advice and information for the sexually active/curious. Follow her on Twitter at @glamazontyomi.