“She’s just not as freaky as she used to be,” he said in a letter that was filled with disappointment and disdain.
Here I was reading yet another letter from a man who was frustrated with how his sex life was going, and he had good reason to feel discontented. The beginning of his relationship with his now wife was filled with spontaneous sexual exploits while they were dating, but after 5 years of marriage and two children, things just weren’t the same.
“She used to be all over me and couldn’t wait to get the D,” he explained. “But now it seems like she’s just uninterested in sex and it makes me feel rejected.”
The sentiment in his letter is shared by hundreds of men who are in “sexless” relationships across the globe, and many are perplexed by what seems to be “unexplainable” shifts in a woman’s sex drive. It takes a reduction in ego and selfishness for a man to come to terms with the reality of inevitable change within a couple’s sex life. After all, this shift does happen in every relationship.
There are several factors that can cause a woman to become less-than-enthused about sex with her partner. By gaining an understanding of these factors and learning how to work through these situations with love, compassion and respect, men can become successful lovers over the course of a relationship that has been bound for lifelong commitment. If you’re a man in this predicament, keep reading.
Hormonal change is real.
It’s basic biology that is often forgotten, but hormones (particularly testosterone) are responsible for sexual arousal and desire in both women and men. There are various times within a woman’s life where her hormones can shift causing a change in her desire for sex. A monthly menstrual cycle, dietary changes, stress levels or pregnancy can all cause a woman to be uninterested in sexual activity. Finding a solution to this issue requires an appointment with a primary care physician to check on hormonal levels to determine if this is indeed a reason for her lack of desire. There are several medications on the market that help with hormonal balancing as well as natural supplements made of roots or herbs that can also facilitate in restoring balance.
What once turned her on just doesn’t anymore.
The woman you met five years ago isn’t the same woman you see in front of you today. Her life experiences have changed her perception, her desires and even how she received pleasure. If your relationship has shifted from high sex drive to minimal, there is a strong chance that what once worked to get her going in the past no longer works in the present. My suggestion for any long term relationship is to create a sex journal that contains a list of turn-ons, turn-offs, fantasies, sexual preferences and so on. Each entry should be dated to keep track of when these standards were accurate, and whenever something changes, a new entry should be made.
Having this journal can help couples to communicate their sexual desires through writing. Having casual conversations and checking in with each other about what has changed in terms of sexual expectations is a great way to maintain your sex life as time progresses. Studies have shown that couples who speak about sex regularly are more satisfied in their sex lives overall. Once you talk about what has changed then the fun part of experimenting with new techniques can begin.
Her responsibilities have increased.
Motherhood, maintaining a household, career goals and being a loving and supportive wife are the various hats any woman can wear simultaneously. With this much responsibility, a woman has her time and energy split several ways, and sex is sometimes perceived as insignificant in comparison.
If your wife or significant other is loaded with responsibilities, her libido could be taking a hit in feeling the pressure of day–to-day activities. Her sex drive doesn’t see the light of day because it is being suppressed by environmental factors., and stress is the strongest one. Help relieve her stress by taking on some of the household duties that you can easily assign yourself to do whether it’s cooking, cleaning, getting the kids ready for bed or laundry. However you can be of assistance work on it with compassion and understanding. The less stress she feels from her responsibilities, the more she will be able to focus on being a better lover when the time is right.
Physiological and psychological factors weigh heavily.
Sometimes there are physiological issues that can suppress libido such as cancer, lupus, obesity, diabetes, heart disease and more. When these conditions are in play, the libido takes a back seat so the body can focus on maintaining its functions the best it knows how. Psychological factors also play role in dampening libido. Depression, bipolar disease, schizophrenia and the like can hinder the production of vital hormones and chemicals manufactured in the brain that are responsible for sexual arousal. If your significant other is experiencing physical or mental disease, it is best to speak to a physician or specialist that can place her on a treatment that will first help to remedy the issue. Once the body is in balance then the libido has a chance to return. Certain medications and treatments can also lessen libido so make sure to talk to your doctor about alternatives that won’t have side effects on the sex drive.
Her attraction to you has faded.
It may be difficult for some men to accept, but attraction sometimes fades over time. Life is forever evolving and so are the perceptions of the human mind. A woman that was once madly drawn into your looks, charisma and sexual prowess may now be at a point in her life where what you have to offer no longer appeals to her. And instead of telling you flat out that her attraction has waned, the sex simply stops and now you’re in a sexless marriage. The solution to this issue is communication assisted by a counselor, therapist or coach trained in the area of sexuality. Bringing up the idea of no longer being attracted to your mate could cause hostility and create defensive attitudes that could turn ugly. If you believe this may be the case with your partner, have a brief talk with her to gain more clarity and suggest speaking to someone about your issues. A sexuality practitioner or a counselor can help with sparking a new flame of attraction and pinpointing where the attraction was lost.