“How can I learn how to initiate sex and turn my partner on? It’s something I’ve struggled with and I really want to master this so I can become a beast in bed.”
This is yet another letter from an eager girlfriend who is desperate to know how to move past her shyness in initiating sex. I couldn’t help but to feel empathy regarding her request. Dozens of requests similar to this very one land in my inbox weekly, and they continue to show me just how disconnected couples are from being able to read each other’s body language and communicate through the same channel.
Knowing how to turn your partner on requires a good sense of what is visually stimulating, what parts of the body respond sexually to touch and what words can be spoken to send signals to the brain that will prepare the body for a sexual encounter. Making the first move can seem intimidating for someone who isn’t used to showing her desire for sex, but with a little guidance anyone can become a beast within the bedroom.
Grant yourself permission.
The first step in being confident enough to take control in bed is to grant yourself permission. It’s okay to be an aggressor when your hormones are raging and you want to have an erotic experience. It’s okay to suggest intercourse by making the first move. “I give myself permission to be the sexual being I was born to be” is the mantra you should recite in your mind and keep in your heart.
Don't be afraid to be spontaneous.
Surprising your partner with a request for sex is a stand-alone turn on when executed with confidence and direct intent. Spicing up your sex life in this way can be as simple as kicking off a sexy session on the couch or starting a make out session in the bathroom while getting ready for work. There is nothing shameful about being spontaneous with your sex life and revealing your desire to be loved on wherever you feel comfortable. Display your eroticism and break past the idea of being embarrassed about showing your sexual desire. Follow your instincts when you feel the urge to play.
Become a visual tease.
Visual stimulation works to arouse both men and women and can be used deliberately when acting as the initiator of a sexual experience. Become a master of the visual tease by accentuating the parts of your body that turn your partner on. Wear clothing that compliments these areas or reveals them in ways that will cause your partner to want to explore your body more. Walk in ways that appear inviting by swaying the hips or deliberately bending over or stooping down within eyesight in a way that is reminiscent of your partner’s favorite position. There are dozens of ways to use your body and movements that mirror sensuality. Be creative, and most importantly, leave fear and embarrassment out of the experience.
Tell it with your eyes.
The eyes are the window to the soul, but they are also clear indicators of what is going on in your mind. If being a visual tease proves to be challenging for you, then the next best signal to throw is a look of desire. Hold an intention in your mind of what you would like to do to your partner. You can even recite in your mind what you would like to express to your partner about your desires. Once you have those thoughts in your head, look your partner in the eyes. Sometimes a simple look can ignite a fire that will burn throughout the night.
Stimulate erogenous zones.
Knowing where to touch your partner to send signals of arousal and desire is just as important as giving a look or being visually stimulating. The body contains several areas known to cause arousal when stimulated. The scalp, neck, lips, nipples, abdomen, inner thighs, buttocks, backs of thighs, soles of the feet, palms of the hands, the back, sides of the abdomen and the underside of the arm are all erogenous zones. Use your fingers and nails to make light strokes across any of these areas, or use your mouth and tongue to trace shapes or designs across larger areas. There are several ways to bring stimulation to erogenous zones, so get creative and jumpstart your partner’s arousal. Remember to have fun with it.
Lead into the promise land.
The most direct signal anyone can give when wanting to engage in sexual activity is to take a partner by the hand and lead him or her into the area you wish to play in. By physically leading your partner, you are taking control and establishing yourself as the dominant in this sexual experience. Don’t be afraid to straddle your partner and begin foreplay in a way that will stimulate the both of you. When you take control, you have the power to initiate whatever it is you desire. Don’t be afraid to guide your partner into the promise land of pleasure.
Glamazon Tyomi is a freelance writer, model and sex educator with a deeply rooted passion for spreading the message of sex positivity and encouraging the masses to embrace their sexuality. Her website, www.glamerotica101.com, reaches internationally as a source for advice and information for the sexually active/curious. Follow her on Twitter at @glamazontyomi.