“Tyomi, how do I stop myself from watching porn? I feel that I’m beginning to become desensitized to the intimate touch of a woman.”
This was a question posed to me by one of my followers during a late-night Periscope broadcast. It's one that is attached to an issue that's prevalent in the age of microwaveable satisfaction, but one that is rarely talked about. It is commonly assumed that men "have it all together" when it comes to the subject of sexuality, but more men are finding themselves on the short end of the stick when it comes to receiving sexual satisfaction.
Pornography has been made for men who need inspiration during their self pleasuring moments, but for the man that only has his hand to fulfill his sexual desires, the ability to draw into the human connection can become difficult.
Crazy work schedules, social awkwardness, fear and resentment from past relationships, or simply being unenthusiastic about meeting new people are all common reasons why men don’t interact with the opposite sex. But this doesn’t have to be an issue.
If you are a man that is beginning to feel out of touch with intimacy, here are a few tips to jump back into reality.
Remove the desensitizing source.
It may seem hard to do, but the first step to reconnecting with a warm-bodied woman is to end your consumption of porn all together. This isn’t something that has to be a lifelong commitment. Your porn retirement will only be for a moment in time as you learn how to reconnect with women. It could be a few weeks or a few months, but you have to make the commitment to abstain from watching porn or viewing pornographic gifs or photos online if you want to get out of your head and into the real world sexually. Begin by ending your subscription to websites and unpinning adult sites from your bookmarks or headers. Place blocks on your computer and remove your safe porn clips. Delete apps on your phone and end all porn subscriptions. The goal here is to remove all pornographic materials from your possession in order to break your dependency on fantasy women. If you want to connect with the real world, you must disconnect from the virtual world.
Seek counseling or therapy.
If you have difficulty with handling your consumption of pornography, you may need to seek professional help. Men that feel they are addicted to porn will need counseling or therapy to break their dependency. This is serious and should be handled with care, especially when the addiction is beginning to affect other areas of your life such as work, social interaction, self care and mental health.
It’s unnecessary to suffer in silence when you have dozens of practitioners who are ready to help you move towards a healthier place in your sex life. For the man who may have hang ups when approaching women or who may have emotional hang ups that prevent him from interacting with women, sexuality and relationship coaches can help with re-framing his thinking and teaching skills that help move him into a direction of confidence when interacting with women. To find a therapist or counselor who specializes in sexuality addictions, visit https://www.aasect.org/referral-directory.
Visit a cuddle parlor or party.
Cuddle parlors are secluded locations where people can experience the intimacy of close physical connection without the expectation of sex, or the pressures of being physically intimate. Scheduling an appointment with a “cuddle buddy” is a safe and healthy way for any man who has been out of touch with reality to come back into awareness. There are several established cuddle parlors around the U.S. and internationally where patrons can lie in peace and quiet while enjoying the embrace of women (and men) who use their hugs for healing. You can find a location near you via Google search with the words “cuddle parlor” and your city attached.
The goal of this type of arrangement is not to incite sexual desire, but to encourage intimacy through touch.
Schedule an erotic massage.
Compared to cuddling, erotic massage is on the opposite end of the spectrum. This type of massage is typically experienced between lovers who desire to heighten their sexual experience through connection before the main act. Erotic massage can also be used as a stand alone act that awakens the energetic body and brings sensation without the expectation of an orgasm or release. This type of touch would serve a man who is in need of reconnecting with feminine energy.
Every part of your body is caressed and your mind is lured into a space of relaxation where you are able to connect with your body and the giver of the massage. In this space there is no judgment or expectation. The only requirement is that you relax and work on connecting and sinking deeper into the feeling. There are dozens of erotic massage practitioners that specialize in this type of touch across every state, but finding them is sometimes a challenge. To find a quality massage professional to deliver the type of connection you need, Google search “erotic touch massage” and a list of businesses or practitioners will surface in your area and beyond.
Connect with women through online dating.
A busy work schedule can make it difficult for any man to connect with women, especially when those women have equally demanding schedules. The best way to connect with real women in real time is to begin mingling with them online. The Internet has made it easier for people to connect across the globe, and with the help of online dating sites such as okcupid.com and apps like Tinder, men can connect with multiple women at a time with the click of a button or a swipe to the right. Use social media or online dating sources to connect with women in your area that may be interested in meeting up with you in real space. This is a simple yet effective way to get out and begin interacting with women.
Make the time to mingle.
Your schedule may be holding you back from experiencing the connections that you seek, but it is something that you can ultimately control. Use your off days, lunch breaks, and even vacation, sick, and/or personal time at your discretion. Making the time to mingle is important in reestablishing an intimate connection, so you must carve out time within your schedule to make it happen. Always remember that the amount of effort you put into improving your sexuality directly affects your ability to move towards the positive changes you seek.
Glamazon Tyomi is a freelance writer, model and sex educator with a deeply rooted passion for spreading the message of sex positivity and encouraging the masses to embrace their sexuality. Her website, www.glamerotica101.com, reaches internationally as a source for advice and information for the sexually active/curious. Follow her on Twitter at @glamazontyomi.