There are benefits to fighting fair, especially if you are married.
NBC News reports that implementing diplomacy heals the connection in marriages.
“I think all the past trauma that we’ve been trying to escape from came right at our doorstep,” Couples therapists Meygan Caston told NBC. Caston, along with her husband, Casey, confessed that dating was easy, but marriage was the hard part.
“We had no example of how to do married life at all,” he says.
Both Meygan and Casey’s parents divorced and remarried multiple times.
“If you want to make a better marriage,” says Caston, “you’ve got to make a better you.”
And according to Casey, the secret to having a good marriage lies in fighting fair.
During heated arguments, blood that regulates part of the brain regulates emotional distress. And maintaining control during an argument is essential to fighting fair. By recognizing when you’re about to lose control, you can assess and correct your behavior.
“Once you’re flooded, you literally don’t have the capacity to handle it successfully,” Caston says. “You need to be aware enough to say, ‘Hey, listen, I need a timeout for a second.”
Caston noted that couples can use a “timeout” word to let each other know when they need time to calm down. The word serves as a signal to give your mate a break during an argument.