If T.I. doesn’t get outta here with his simple-sounding self! As you may have heard by now, the self-proclaimed “King of the South” made himself sound more like a court jester when he told Radio Personality, Angie Martinez, that part of the reason his marriage to singer Tameka “Tiny” Harris didn’t work out is because he can “be a better best friend than a husband.”
Really, sir?! Really??? What a crock! While I am rolling my eyes at T.I. in this moment, but if we’re being honest with ourselves, a lot of us subscribe to the narrative that marriage is somehow not for everybody. Let me tell you something, the myth that only certain people are capable of being married or that marriage is something you have to be “cut out for” is pure poppycock!
Do you know how I know? Because the little kids with the nastiest dispositions when we were growing up were always the first ones to get married when we became adults. And you know what? They’re still married today. Now, if those mean ole things can find mates, then love is possible for anyone. You just have to be willing ask yourself theses questions, which I refer to as the five Cs of marriage:
1. Am I willing to commit to this person?
2. Am I willing to compromise with this person when it comes to getting my way?
3. Am I willing to communicate with this person?
4. Am I willing to cooperate with this person?
5. Do I have something in common with this person?
Anyone can answer “yes” to these relatively simple questions. And if you’re willing to answer “yes” to each of these questions every morning, then guess what? You can be “the marrying kind.”
But here’s the thing: everybody who is capable of doing each of the five Cs isn’t necessarily willing. And that’s the caveat because willing means you have to make a conscious decision in your mind to answer “yes” to all five of those questions, even when your partner’s getting on your last nerves, when your money is tight or you just don’t feel like it.
It means saying “yes,” even when obstacles approach and you feel your heart wanting to tap out of the relationship. And yeah, there are going to be days when your heart just won’t be in the marriage, but that’s why you heart isn’t the strongest muscle in your body; your mind is.
If you can will it to work in your mind, then you can be the marrying kind.
Now, if T.I. can will himself from “the trap” to the top, then surely he can will himself to be a husband; he just doesn’t want to be married (and he should just say that, instead of that I make a better friend silliness). His wealth and fame have afforded him, as Dr. Shaquille O’Neal once famously said “too many options” for a marriage to one person to seem like a particularly attractive choice. I do hope you realize though, that you and I don’t have anywhere close to T.I. money, so we don’t have that excuse. Plus, if Barack can stay married to Michelle, and Bey managed to work it out with Jay, then you’re just being lazy talking about you and your partner have “irreconcilable differences.”
So, let’s stop the “marrying kind” madness, folks. Let’s pledge that we’re going to do our darndest to avoid throwing happiness away with both hands all because we think marriage isn’t for us. Let’s instead make a pledge that we’re going to develop the discipline and will power to be the marrying kind, as marriage is for anybody and everybody who is willing to give it a go. You merely have to make a decision that you’re going to answer “yes” every single day.
Keep up with Sylvia Snowden at www.trulysylvia.com.