The “Sh*t ____People Say” viral meme is passé now, but if I had jumped on the trend when it was hot, I’d do a version just for newlyweds. If I hear “When are you two having kids?” one more time…I just might snap. I know that people who ask such questions are just making innocent conversation and most likely have been conditioned to believe that there are certain steps that need to be followed once people get married. However, hubby and I don’t operate that way. At the moment we’d like to enjoy each other and get into the rhythm of our relationship as husband and wife before bringing any extra humans into the world (if it happens at all).
Here are five reasons why I won’t be with child any time soon—or at least not this year!
1. I vacillate on the issue a lot. I won’t lie and say that I don’t feel like having children one day but every time I end up sitting next to a wailing baby on the train I immediately question that thought. Sometimes I wish babies were born with the brain and communication skills of a five year old things and things would be a little easier, but then there are other times when I see someone with an infant and I feel the fever starting to heat up. I just annoyed myself with that roundabout paragraph so, the best thing to do at the moment is to stay child-free until I’m absolutely sure that I want child(ren).
2. I’m selfish. Taking care of an extra body right now is not conducive to my happiness. I want to travel and workout when I want to, watch and listen to what I want without worrying about censorship and not have to schedule a babysitter just so that I can get out of the house. I also love the fact that it’s just us two, and that we have no responsibilities outside of bills. Like I said, it’s selfish but I’d rather be willing to devote all of my time to another human’s proper development before becoming a mom.
3. I’m afraid of pregnancy. I’m not afraid of much, but pregnancy takes its toll on a woman’s body. Of course, women have been having babies successfully from the dawn of man and that’s never going to end but I’ve been struggling with my weight since I was a teenager. I gain 10 pounds just thinking about food, so I’m not too thrilled about that side effect of pregnancy. Yes, that’s a shallow reason to site but on a realer note, I’m also at risk for preeclampsia (my family crest should be a sphygmomanometer since heart disease is rampant) and there’s a lot of preparation that I need to do (in terms of diet, physical fitness and weight loss) to make sure that I’m in a healthy place for bearing children and recovering properly.
4. I’m not willing to sacrifice my career just yet. This will change once I get my first novel published, but until then I need all the time (and freedom) in the world to get it together. It’s moving along slower than I’d like it to but imagine how much worse it would be if I had a child (there’s that selfishness again.)
5. My finances aren’t in order. Hubby has a stable job but I worry about my contribution to Rocque La Familia because I’m a fulltime freelancer. So far, freelancing has been working out well but it’s very unpredictable and I wouldn’t want him being the sole breadwinner. Maybe my perspective will change at some point but right now I admittedly suffer from Renaissance Woman Syndrome, which means I don’t want to have to sustain myself solely on my husband’s income, but that’s another article. Honestly though, in such an unpredictable industry and economy, I need to start seeing some significant pay increases before bringing another life in the world.
Maybe my perspectives on a lot of what I have written here will change over time but at the moment, that’s where I stand with regard to having children. For now, I’d like to make it to my one-year wedding anniversary before my unborn child’s first birthday.
Should a married couple feel obligated to having a baby? Can a woman’s life be complete without being a mother? Do men feel the same pressure to become fathers? Sound off!
Mr. and Mrs. Rocque are the couple formerly known as Anslem Samuel and Starrene Rhett, New York-based journalists who found love in between bylines. Follow the newlyweds’ musings of a marriage in progress here, on Twitter and via their joint blog.