Relationship — (noun) the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected.
Now that we know the definition, let me explain to you how this aspect of life plays a role in a millennial’s life. I genuinely believe millennials want to be in a relationship, find someone they can share time with and eventually marry. I will admit that, unfortunately, we are going about it the wrong way.
To the young men and women in my generation, a relationship means having a connection with someone and being able to show off the success of that relationship, hoping to be an inspiration to someone else aspiring for love or a couple looking for a blueprint for a good relationship. Many millennials are looking for someone independent, who has their business taken care of, someone who wants to live lavishly and travel the world.
There’s nothing wrong with this, as I am a firm believer in learning from others. If you’re going about this with good intentions, then there’s no reason why you shouldn’t have that in your life. But that’s the problem with relationships and millennials. There often aren’t good intentions for relationships out here, which leaves everyone on their toes and looking over their shoulder.
In a world filled with Instagram, instant fame and instant gratification, it’s no surprise that millennials want an instant relationship. We as millennials are facing two problems when it comes to relationships and love. On the whole, we are much too focused on celebrity relationships and “relationship goals.” We’re so into comparing relationships and meeting certain goals and requirements, we’re forgetting that most of our goals and the celebrity couples we aspire to emulate aren’t realistic.
Most of us are regular human beings; they are celebrities. Our needs in a relationship are going to be different from that of a celebrity’s. Even trying to match up your relationship with a couple shown all over social media is pointless. Again, your needs and expectations are going to be different from theirs, and they might not have expected to be plastered all over Instagram or Facebook as they are now.
Now, I’m not the one to throw shade or stir the pot. But before professing our expectations in a relationship, we should ask ourselves, “Should I expect a Beyoncé and JAY- Z relationship if I’m hardly Beyoncé” Or, “Should I ask a woman 21 questions when I can barely answer five of my own questions?”
Another problem millennials face is that no one wants to build a foundation for a relationship. No one truly wants to sit down, have a conversation and get to know each other. We as young men and women are so focused on what this person has, what they’ve achieved and who they personally know that we’re only training our minds to see people at face value. We’re teaching ourselves to not take the time to dig deeper and discover a person’s goals, values and morals, and what they can bring to the table.
There was a tweet recently circulating around social media: “S/o to the women who aren’t afraid to date a man who’s a work in progress and help build him up. Too many women want a finished product.” I loved that tweet. I thought it emphasized the problem our generation has with love and relationships today. While I thought the concept of that tweet could apply to both men and women, many of women took offense, asking, “Well, what’s wrong with a finished product?”
The problem is saying that you want a finished product can come off shallow and materialistic to most people. The fact that people asked “what’s wrong with a finished product?” proves they’re probably unwilling to just accept a someone “in progress” (and aren’t we all?) for who they are. A man or a woman can be a “finished product” and still not live up to everything you want in a partner. Not to throw shade or be petty, but I believe that if you aren’t willing to build a solid foundation for a relationship, maybe you don’t need to be in one.
Michelle Obama said it best: “If I had worried about who liked me and who thought I was cute when I was your age, I wouldn’t be married to the president of the United States today.” Now that is a real relationship goal. We should take notes from Michelle and learn how to focus on what a person brings to the table instead of what someone posted on Instagram.