Love can be exhilarating, but sometimes you’ve got to go through the storm in order to get the the sunshine.
Not everything about a relationship is grand, but understand that there are ways to navigate major hurdles in love.
In an statement sent to EBONY, Psychologist and performance expert, Dr. Alok Trivedi, outlined steps for all couples to take to prevent major problems down the road.
- Disagree more often: Nobody wants to be with someone who is a “yes” person. We all need a certain amount of nurturing and support from our partner, but we also need our mate to operate from objective reality, in other words, telling us like it is. Voicing your opinion and your beliefs help keeps you fresh, exciting and attractive to the other person.
- Know that your relationship isn’t about happiness: Many couples say they just want to find a mate that makes them happy. This is setting yourself up for major disappointment and it’s the main reason why the divorce rate is so high. Sharing your life with someone else isn’t going to be a one-sided fairytale. It’s going to be filled with constant obstacles and challenges. Happiness is a fantasy. Balance is reality.
- Don’t seek empowerment from your mate: Your empowerment is your responsibility. The more you depend on your mate to empower you, it sets you up to be the victim in the relationship. It’s wise to do the things you love for yourself and allow your mate to do what he or she loves. Stand as two empowered individuals vs. two disempowered victims.
- Communicate what’s important to you based on your partner’s values: In other words, get what you want by making it attractive to your partner. If you only tell her what’s important to you, but there’s nothing in it for her, she’s going to shut down and won’t hear you out. Maybe you want to take a guy’s only weekend trip and she’s not too happy about it. Start by focusing on what she values. Offer to send her on a girl’s weekend, a spa day or a trip to see her family. With every reward comes some form of sacrifice.
- Stop living only for your kids: Kids are great, but for relationships that are fully reliant on their children, the spark and excitement between the adults can quickly vanish. Always make some alone time without the kids. It’s equally important to give kids their own space. It’s emotionally healthy for all to get away from one another.
Alok Trivedi is the author of “Chasing Success” and the founder of The Aligned Performance Institute. For more on Dr. Trivedi, visit www.alignedperformanceinstitute.com.