Social media has turned into a platform where many share their stories of triumph and success, and when it comes to relationship goals, the public always eats it up. While scrolling through my timeline one night, I came across a post by one of my favorite gossip sites that featured an entry written by a woman who was recently engaged, and the message attached was accompanied with the hashtag #HowToGetaRing.
In her statement, the recently engaged hopeful expressed how her commitment to listen to, support and be by her man’s side as his best friend got her the title without having to have sex with him. It was a statement meant to advocate making a partner a friend before a lover, in order to ensure the longevity of a relationship.
While I saw this post as something noble and refreshing to see on a site that often reports on scandal and shade, it made me think about the thousands of people in the world who’ve made it to the alter even after having hot and steamy sex before exchanging vows. Is this no-sex-first rule of thumb just an archaic relic disconnected from new age millennials, or is this a core value that still stands for most?
To answer this question, I took to social media and polled the general population in an effort to shed some light. Does sex before commitment ruin the chances of a long-term relationship? Of the dozens of people who engaged in conversation on the topic, over half of the public didn’t see sex before commitment ruining the chances of a long term relationship (62.5%). Many of the people in this group shared their testimonies of how their decisions to take a rumble in the sack early on in the relationship never affected their journey towards the ring.
One woman stated, “I had sex the first night we met, and now it’s going on 13 years to eternity.” There were quite a few people who remained on the fence about whether sex before commitment ruins the chances of a long term relationship, with 22% of the polled population believing that the success of a relationship depends on the couple involved.
One man stated that “the success of a relationship depends on how each person views sex and how well each person understands the mentality of the other. Without a mental connection, the relationship would crumble.” Another made a valid point, mentioning “if the sex isn’t good, then the relationship may not move into marital bliss.”
Those who remained in the group of seeing both sides of the spectrum also stood by the belief that the longevity of a relationship that’s already become sexual depends on the maturity and the personal beliefs of the two people involved.
To my surprise, however, only 15% of the polled population believed sex before commitment ruined the chances of a couple establishing anything for the long term. Many of those in this category stand on religious values, holding on to the belief that sex is only made for a man and a woman wed under the watchful eyes of God. Most in this group believed that developing a friendship and getting to know a person on a spiritual and mental level isn’t possible if sex moves into the dynamic too soon, clouding judgement and replacing love with lust.
Outside of the religious aspect, there are those who believe the relationship won’t work out for the long term if there’s a discrepancy in penis size or if sexual views are not shared. It seems safe to say that the standards of dating set into place in earlier decades no longer apply to the new age millennials, but everyone agrees that a friendship should be at the base of any relationship. Chicago native and relationship consultant Raydio G shares his perspective on how women truly make it to wifey status. “When a man chooses a woman as his wife, the main factor that comes into play is consistency,” he says. “That’s the one major difference between the women in his past and his fiancée. His fiancée weathered the storm, while the other women got lost somewhere along the line. She consistently gave him what he wanted and got the ring.”
Whether choosing to abstain from sex until marriage or diving into the sexuality of a relationship, it’s clear that friendship reigns supreme as the ruler of longevity. My sexpert advice to the couple choosing to wait for sex until marriage is to talk about your desires and make sex a common topic of discussion. It’s best to work on having a healthy outlook on sexuality while you wait, so when the big day comes, there is no mistake about what will take place and how satisfaction will be delivered.
Glamazon Tyomi is a freelance writer, model and sex educator with a deeply rooted passion for spreading the message of sex positivity and encouraging the masses to embrace their sexuality. Her website, www.glamerotica101.com, reaches internationally as a source for advice and information for the sexually active/curious. Follow her on Twitter at @glamazontyomi.