“I love my wife, but there are times when sex just isn’t comfortable because…well…I don’t fit,” lamented a concerned husband in my inbox.
Complaints about sex are often expressed by women who don’t find the experience to be pleasurable, but there are times when men reach out for help because they are at their wits' end in trying to figure out how to achieve satisfaction in their sex lives when they are more than well-endowed. Yes, there is such a thing!
Unfortunately, there are couples who are experiencing the discomfort of what is considered to be a “genital mismatch," and when this happens, sex can be a bit complicated. Yes, every penis has a vagina that matches it perfectly and vice versa. However, in the game of love, sometimes the heart grows fond of partners who may not be the correct “puzzle piece” to adequately complete a couple’s vision of ecstasy.
So what is a man to do when he has a lot of love to give, but can barely "fit?" Here are five tips to help make sex more pleasurable.
Patience is a virtue.
This sexual dynamic is one that requires great patience. Becoming frustrated can make a woman feel like she’s not doing a great job at being pleasing, but in this case it’s a biological issue that can’t be helped. This is the time when the male partner has to be a loving and patient leader. While it can be frustrating for a man to take his time during sex when he is ready to explore and explode, her safety must come first. Don’t force your way in or try to push deeper into the vagina when she is showing signs of pain. Pay attention to how her body reacts. She will tense up when she isn’t feeling comfortable, her face will show discomfort if she is in pain, and her vagina may become drier. When the vagina perceives a threat, it will tighten up, dry up and refuse entry. Take your time to explore her body and secure her trust by creating a space of safety through gentle and slow penetration after foreplay.
Foreplay is necessary.
Men and women orgasm very differently and this should be taken into consideration by the well-endowed man who doesn’t fit comfortably. It takes women an average of 20 minutes to reach the level of climax, but the average man can reach an orgasm within 5-10 minutes of penetration.
For the couple with a genital mismatch, it is important to utilize foreplay to ensure sexual arousal is high and near the point of orgasm before using penetration as a form of pleasure. With orgasm comes a release of endorphins, antihistamines, adrenaline, dopamine and other feel good chemicals that can decrease pain and elevate mood. If you can bring her to an orgasm before you enter her, the vagina will be well lubricated and lengthened to its maximum size and will become more elastic to allow penetration. Turn her body on by stroking her erogenous zones, give her kisses and speaking softly in her ear to reassure her that you have her safety and pleasure in mind before you enter her. Previous experiences may create anxiety and tension within her body, and her anticipation of a painful experience could cause a disconnect during sex.
Turn the lights off.
What’s done in the dark can actually be beneficial for the man that has more to work with below his waistline. Sometimes the sight of a massive member standing at attention can scare a woman off from wanting to have an experience. So dim the lights or light a few candles. Use the shadows of the room to conceal your size before vaginal entry. Allow the darkness to be an advantage and give her the element of surprise to anticipate what is about to happen when you finally find her center.
Just the tip.
The goal of many men is to reach the deepest point of the vagina, but for the well-endowed man, this is a painful and frustrating process. It is commonly perceived that deeper penetration feels good to women, but this isn’t always the case. In fact, most of the nerves in the vagina are located within the first third of canal. So just using the tip of the penis can bring pleasure for both partners. Shallow penetration is underrated, but should be used predominately for couples who experience a genital mismatch. Experiment with the speed of shallow penetration and movements that can feel pleasurable to your partner. The rest of the shaft can be stimulated with a free hand and extra lubrication while stroking. The extra lubrication will also work to reduce friction at the vaginal opening for men who have major girth.
Work your angles.
Angled sex is better sex and for the couple experiencing genital mismatch this couldn’t be any truer. Every sex position has a variation that creates angles with the body that can make penetration more pleasurable. Positions that create a rise in her pelvis, or side sex positions can be more comfortable for penetration. Woman-on-top (cowgirl) positions could work well for the woman that wants to be in control of the depth and speed of penetration, but she must be brave. Experiment with various positions by picking up a sex position bible and choosing positions that appear to be a match for you. When you discover positions that feel good, keep these in the back of your mind for your next sexual encounter.
Glamazon Tyomi is a freelance writer, model and sex educator with a deeply rooted passion for spreading the message of sex positivity and encouraging the masses to embrace their sexuality. Her website, www.glamerotica101.com, reaches internationally as a source for advice and information for the sexually active.curious. Follow her on Twitter at @glamazontyomi.