You’re sitting at the end of the bar at your favorite lounge. You had a long day at work, attempting to wind down with the drink in front of you. You glance up and see a gorgeous man walk in, wearing a well-tailored suit and your favorite color tie. You notice him glance around a bit; you avert your eyes and sip your drink. Within a few minutes, the bartender brings you another and says it’s courtesy of the very same man, who’s now sitting at the other end of the bar. You make eye contact, he nods his head, and you smile with gratitude and invitation. He picks up his own glass and makes his way to your end of the bar.

You two strike up a conversation, and after about 45 minutes (and three more drinks), he suggests you come back with him to his hotel room around the corner. You learned that he’s here for a couple of nights on a business trip and could use the company of a beautiful woman like you. You think for a moment (recalling the advice of one Aubrey “Drake” Graham) and say to yourself “YOLO!

Next thing you know, your knees are parallel to your ears, your toes are tap-dancing on the headboard, and you’re screaming your husband’s name loud enough for the other guests to want to Google him. Why? Because the man blowing your back out is, in fact, your husband… and you two just acted out one of your sexy role-play fantasies of playing comfort woman to a traveling businessman.

Role-playing, or acting out scenarios outside of your normal sexual activity, is an exciting way for couples to keep their sex lives spicy, and it isn’t as difficult as you might think. You don’t have to be an Academy Award-nominated actor to pull of a great role-play scene. All you need is a bit of creativity and the willingness to try something new.

To get started, you and your partner can start by brainstorming ideas and discovering your mutual fantasies. Keep an open mind and remember it is all about the fantasy. Role-playing is also a safe way for you and your partner to explore some of your more taboo or kinkier impulses. Start small and adapt fun characters like a naughty nurse and “sick” patient, or a frisky bachelor and seductive maid. You can find new ideas by reading erotic literature online; you can even order costumes to make the scene more authentic. It’s really up to you how far and deep into the fantasy you want to delve.

Nicole* thoroughly enjoys role-playing and says she was introduced to it by a previous partner. She wasn’t aware that it was something she’d be into until he initiated one of his favorite scenes with her. She suggests that couples “start with something simple that gets done in your home, in a familiar setting, and doesn’t take a lot of imagination. You can see if it’s something that excites you and then build on it.”

Her role-play of choice is reenacting interrogation scenes, where her lover ties her up (!) and demands answers of her as a police officer or CIA agent might. She points out that trust is an important factor, because some role playing requires doing things, like bondage in her example, that she isn’t comfortable doing with just anyone.

Marlene* enjoys any role-play where she gets to be submissive. She says, “I maintain control of everything in everyday life. In the bedroom, it feels wonderful to let somebody else take the lead and be submissive in a way I never am. The energy changes and you can experience several different pleasures with the same person. I can do things that I’d probably be a little uneasy about if I weren’t pretending.” She also recommends keeping an open mind. “An open dialogue makes it so easy. You never know what you’ll enjoy.”

One downside to role-playing is, you can get so caught up in the fantasy play that you lose sight of your partner’s reality. Donnell* said he used to enjoy role-playing until his last experience left him a bit wary. “My ex-girlfriend was heavily into role playing, which I loved for a while. Then she would ask me to keep things going even when we weren’t having sex. I know some folks are kinky like that, but I wasn’t really into it.” He also goes on to say that there are only certain types of scenes he can get into and he struggles with staying in character, because it can sometimes feel “cheesy” when it seems forced.

I enjoy role-playing, and I understand I need to play with a partner who’s as into it as I am. I don’t expect everyone to be interested, but I find that when I bring it up, most people usually have at least a casual interest in learning more. The bottom line? If you haven’t tried role- playing, or haven’t even considered it, you might be missing out on an exciting opportunity to explore your sexuality beyond your comfort zone and have toe-curling, headboard-rattling sex! And isn’t that the point?

*All names have been changed to protect the guilty.

Feminista Jones is a sex-positive Black feminist, social worker and blogger from New York City. She writes about gender, race, politics, mental health and sexuality at FeministaJones.com. Follow her on Twitter at @FeministaJones.