Mr. Rocque and I noticed that our nuptials have inspired most of our single friends.  When they saw us take the leap, they asked tons of questions about what the married life was like. Our response was usually a coy, “It’s really good.” After all, it’s supposed to be really good in the early stages. However, I’ve been holding back some of the real tea. That being said, I dedicate this post to two of my best friends who will be getting married next year because now I can reveal just what they have to look forward to.

Marital bliss is a blessing but there is a deliciously evil side—couples can be total jerks toward singles…and we enjoy it. Here are three shady behaviors that most married couples are guilty of, but don’t feel bad about.

Exhibiting Cult-like Behavior

Once you’re married, your friends start to hang out without you. Usually, they assume that you just want to be home with your significant other 24/7 because you couldn’t possibly want to hang out, especially when you’ve found what a lot of people tend to go out for. Who needs individuality and fun, right? This is only the beginning of the inadvertent divide that starts to form between couples and singles and what happens is that couples, out of defense, begin to seek other married couples to be friends with so that we can do married stuff and make fun of singles for being alone.

Gloat About no Longer Being Single

I was only half-joking with that last bit. We don’t make fun of singles to be mean, we really can’t help it because our thought processes got altered by the single snatchers that abducted us.  As a result, we no longer understand the culture of dating and lean more toward interior decorating. My biggest source of drama right now is choosing the right color scheme for the kitchen and making sure that the feng shui in our new apartment is right. I digress. The last time I chatted with two of my single girlfriends, and the time before that, and the time before that, they shared man drama. I nodded and tried to mask the bemused expression on my face with sympathy and offered advice when asked. Usually, the conversation goes something about the latest asshole who did whatever it is that assholes do and then I get the “You’re lucky you don’t have to deal with this anymore,” speech. I don’t disagree but I play modest in front of my friends then I go home and share the ordeal with the hubby and we both shake our heads in disdain at what’s out there and thank our lucky stars that we’re happily together. Gloating also occurs when we’re walking down the street or at various events that allow us to observe singles in action or lack-thereof—considering that a lot of folks these days would rather tweet and caress their mobile devices while in the middle of any given event instead of actually interacting with other human beings.

Gossip Girls and Guys

No secret is safe. I hate to admit it and I’ll probably get some flack for being so transparent but couples gossip to each other about everything. Chances are we hear something from one of our friends or even relatives and go right back to our spouse and share this information because we know they won’t spill the beans elsewhere and because it’s also amusing. Next time you think you may have gotten a side eye or a strange look from your friend’s significant other, you probably did because couples are shady.

Have you participated in jerkish activity with your spouse? Come clean and repent.