In June, radio personality Melyssa Ford sustained serious injuries after an 18-wheel tractor trailer clipped the back of her Jeep’s tire and sent the car into a tailspin on the Ventura Freeway in Los Angeles.

The former video vixen has been recovering at home since late July after suffering a concussion, a fractured skull, bleeding in the brain and a 10-inch head wound that had to be surgically closed with staples and stitches.

In addition to the physical toll the crash took on Ford, her mental state has suffered as well. In a lengthy Instagram note, she revealed that while she’s suffered from depression for years, the accident exacerbated the condition.

“I’m battling Depression. Crushing, malignant Depression. It was always there; it’s just been made a little worse because of the head trauma from the crash. There are days where simple tasks takes the effort of 40 men; mornings where I’m unhappy to wake and see the sun because it’s another day spent listlessly looking for solid meaning in life.

“The guilt I feel at having survived and not feeling constant gratitude is a heavy weight to bear. I’m trying to jump back into my life but it feels like there are two Me’s: Before and After the crash. And I barely know who Before Me is anymore. Trying to seek help feels like drowning in a strong current with a lifeline swinging right above your head.”

Ford ended by encouraging her followers to see about their strong friends who seem to have it all together.

“I say all this to say check in with your ‘strongest friend’… no one ever does.”

Read her full reflection below.

 

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I’m battling Depression. Crushing, malignant Depression. It was always there; it’s just been made a little worse because of the head trauma from the crash. There are days where simple tasks takes the effort of 40 men; mornings where I’m unhappy to wake and see the sun because it’s another day spent listlessly looking for solid meaning in life. The guilt I feel at having survived and not feeling constant gratitude is a heavy weight to bear. I’m trying to jump back into my life but it feels like there are two Me’s: Before and After the crash. And I barely know who Before Me is anymore. Trying to seek help feels like drowning in a strong current with a lifeline swinging right above your head. I say all this to say check in with your ‘strongest friend’… no one ever does.

A post shared by Melyssa Ford (@melyssaford) on