Michael Arceneaux, EBONY.com contributor and Master of Shade, calls out five of his biggest gripes from the past week. Rejoice and be read.
1. Why So Hostile To The Gay, GOP?: House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) is many things: Orange, conservative, and awful at his job, and consistent victim of unnecessary scolding from the kookiest sect of his party. We’ll never know what Boehner might’ve been able to accomplish had he not been so willing to bend to the whim of the House hooligans, but I will give him a solitary cool point for deciding to help fundraise for openly gay Republican California congressional candidate Carl DeMaio. Yes, despite my prejudicial belief that gay Republicans are more times than not, just like Black Republicans: useless as a can of greens.
In any event, Boehner’s decision has reportedly drawn the ire of social conservatives in the party. You know, those people who just can’t get over the fact that some people don’t want to spend their lives having boring missionary sex with someone of the opposite gender the way their distorted view of Jesus intended. It’s a shame that even when presented with a chance to win and make further gains in their corporatist agenda (the real God of the GOP, FYI), these geniuses would actively campaign against someone of their own party ‘cause he makes the sex with another man. Get help, idiots, or better yet, get over it already.
2. Paula, Please: Like a few of you, I caught the premiere of TV One’s latest reality series, Hollywood Divas. The show made me sad for a few reasons, but I did get quite the chuckle out of Paula Jai Parker who claims that she was blackballed by the industry because she married and procreated with an “outsider.” Now, I don’t like to put fellow Howard University alum on blast, but c’mon nah Bison. Sandra Bullock, among, many, many others have dated outside the Hollywood pool and managed to keep booking gigs. Yes, I know you’re not a White woman, but who do you know who is gullible enough to fall for that excuse? Elise Neal called her out on that in the premiere, too, so there’s something else there. Like, I don’t know, you being combative and taking random shots at your peers mere moments into casual conversation. Or that your acting thus far in the confessionals gives Cruella de Vil after one too many well drinks at happy hour realness. Try again, girl.
3. No New NeNe, No, No, NO: Even if she’s not my favorite Atlanta housewife anymore, I salute NeNe Leakes for being able to take the popularity she gained from her persona on the show – a dash of Shirley from What's Happening!!, Black gay slang sprinkles mixed with any evil queen from a Disney movie you can think – and flipping that to other opportunities i.e. acting gigs on network TV and Broadway, but I really hope she doesn’t become the new host of Fashion Police.
On the rumors, she recently said: “I have to say Joan is unreplacable, we all love her, she’s fantastic, she’s given me some amazing advice about my career, I love Joan…If the opportunity comes it’s a possibility I might, I might not…I’m a fashion designer, love fashion and I’ll give you a good read every now and then so it may not be a bad place for me to be.”
A who, what, and how? No thank you. I imagine she can find some other vehicle to threw her shade, but not in Joan Rivers’ chair.
4. Tyga And The Teenage Kardashian-Adjacent: I’ve been saying this for weeks now, but if you’re reporting about 24-year-old Tyga allegedly dating 17-year-old Kylie Jenner and not noting how creepish and barely legal (if that) this all sounds, I hope Olivia Benson kicks your computer screen in. That age gap is bad enough, but so is that whole thing where Kim Kardashian is cool with Tyga’s ex and mother of his child, Blac Chyna. I’m so mad at myself for knowing about any of this. Point is: Ick.
5. Stop Wearing Colored Contacts: Seriously, Countess Vaughn. Stop it.