1. I’m Not Racist, but Segregation Forever: Karen Fitzgibbons, a fourth grade teacher in Lubbock, Texas, was mighty pissed over McKinney police officer Eric Casebolt resigning, following video of him pulling out a gun on teenagers and slamming 15-year-old Dajerria Becton to the ground sparked a national outcry. So Fitzbiggons took her frustrations to Facebook, where she slammed us no good Blacks for causing this well-meaning White man to quit his job and keep his pension. You know, because it’s always our fault.
Fitzgibbons wrote: “I’m going to just go ahead and say it… the Blacks are the ones causing the problems and this ‘racial tension.’ I guess that’s what happens when you flunk out of school and have no education. I’m sure their parents are just as guilty for not knowing what their kids were doing; or knew it and didn’t care. I’m almost to the point of wanting them all segregated on one side of town so they can hurt each other and leave the innocent people alone. Maybe the 50s and 60s were really on to something. Now, let the bashing of my true and honest opinion begin….GO! #imnotracist #imsickofthemcausingtrouble #itwasatagedcommunity”
You’re not racist, but you miss the segregation of the 1950s and 1960s. Also notice that she then proceeds to play the role of victim—i.e.,”the bashing of my true and honest opinion.” Lady, to hell with you, your racist opinion, and your refusal to be real about what you are: a bigot. She’s since apologized, but who gives a damn?
2. Dr. King Would Not Be Your Homeboy, Playboy: Former talk show host turned predatory loan slinger and Internet troll Montel Williams made a grave mistake when he decided to take a shot at civil rights activist DeRay McKesson on Twitter, writing, “@deray is no MLK. Let’s just get that real clear.” Well, Montel is no Maury Povich and Rolanda Watts’s show should’ve had his spot instead.
After Twitter proceeded to get Montel Williams the hell up out of here, the King Center ultimately chimed in, tweeting, “But @deray is a man of consciousness whose life is threatened daily because of his activism. He cares. We’re clear.” That’s class act speak for “you better gon’ somewhere ’cause the only Montel we acknowledge is Montel Jordan on Pandora.”
It’s rather hilarious that a man who collects a pretty hefty check from exploiting poor people would use Dr. King, who was all about leveling the playing field for the disenfranchised, as a tool of division. Smithers, release the hounds.
3. I Don’t Know, Y’all: Listen, if Iggy Azalea announced she was retiring and going back to Australia, I’d start a GoFundMe for y’all to fly me out to Los Angeles first class to help her pack. However, I’ve been reading a lot of these “Iggy Azalea IS OVER” pieces and I worry that folks are jumping the gun.
I’m not counting out Iggy Azalea this fast. You can never rule out a White woman that easily, especially one who can craft a catchy pop tune. Her folks were silly to think an artist who hasn’t even gone gold with her debut album (with two big radio hits to her name) could do an arena tour. But she’s more so pop than rap, and it usually only takes one song to bring fair-weather fans back into the fold.
That said, it would behoove her to learn how to rap in her native accent. Still, she could probably just add another accent and become The United States of Tara of Hip-Hop. She could very well prove to be the 2010s Vanilla Ice, but even he has a reality show. Always remember that it’s harder than ever to push celebrities into the abyss.
4. Breezing by Our Last Nerves: Why can’t you just be cute, less angry, on key, and dancing down over a hot beat? Why do you have to follow your former girlfriend around Los Angeles? Must you post pictures on Instagram comparing yourself to 2Pac? Why do you think you’re like ’Pac in any way? Seriously, why? Can you just go to the studio with a life coach, sponsor and engineer? Do you know that if you don’t quit and fix your life that your episode of Unsung is going to be the saddest ever?
5. Mercury in Retrograde (Bye, Girl): I don’t know a lot about mercury in retrograde, but after counseling the Google, I may as well dive head first into traffic, because I signed a contract during that period. The other thing I know about mercury in retrograde is that whenever it’s happening, people will not shut up about it. So now that it’s ending on June 12, I’m grateful to not have to hear about it… at least until September 17.
I don’t want to mock anyone’s beliefs and I don’t have any issue with astrology. That said, I do know some of your cousins need to stop always blaming the bulls**t they get into on mercury being in retrograde. No, you’re just ridiculous. Until next retrograde, beloveds.