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Michael Arceneaux, EBONY.com contributor and Master of Shade, calls out five of his biggest gripes from the past week. Rejoice and be read. Follow Michael @youngsinick.

 

1. The Cliff Notes On Stacey Dash’s Forthcoming Book: So-so actress at best turned terrible talking head Stacey Dash has announced that she is penning a book entitled There Goes My Social Life that will chronicle the criticism she faced for coming out as conservative in 2012. Insert “girl” and “please” here.

In the press release for the book, her publisher Regency claims: “Dash shocked the upper echelons of the movie and music industries when she announced that she was sick of being disappointed by the Obama White House and endorsed Mitt Romney for president on Twitter. The backlash was swift and brutal.”

Feel free to boo and hiss now. Rinse, repeat. I’m assuming this is a novel because in real life, Dash, who wasn’t exactly landing a bevy of roles at the time of her announcement, was rewarded for her trolling by way of securing a cushy job on FOX News to play the role of Negro Elisabeth Hasselbeck.

Yes, some people criticized Dash, but mostly because she rarely if ever knows what she is talking about. Dash is playing up the mythology of Hollywood being full of liberals, thus, making her an outlier. Whatever, sis. If Clint Eastwood can talk to himself at the Republican National Convention while canonizing mass murderers via film to great success, no one is worried about you and your flawed political leanings. I do appreciate the Clueless reference, only it should be for a memoir detailing how one gets away with an extension acting career despite only having three expressions.

2. Why Won’t You Hush Already, Iggy Azalea?: Despite numerous calls, Iggy Azalea refuses to stop being insufferable. In a radio interview with Zach Sang & The Gang, the 24-year-old ventriloquist rapper said she faces so much disapproval because we’re all mad that she’s just so damn good. Yes, I’m laughing, too.

Iggy explained: “They know, deep down. I think they know. They just don’t want to admit it. That’s what I think. I have a feeling. That’s why they’re mad. Because they do know that I actually am good, and they can’t really accept that. But we could be friends, and this could all be easy. Or we could not, and I could send Bitcoin shit chocolate boxes to your door. But I’m still going to be here.”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Iggy, you’re as good a rapper as a dildo is good at doing kegel exercises.

 

 

 

 

3. No, NBC. Just No: How many times are mainstream publications going to act as if big butts didn’t exist and weren’t already popularized before non-Black women started doing squats (among other things)? Someone’s got to right a poem called “Ain’t I A Phatty?” Kidding, don’t stone me to death. So that’s NBC’s first offense. The second is the Today show doing a segment asking whether or not you’re on fleek. Y’all. Stop this. For the record, I’m always on fleek (insert 100 emoji), but that’s not the point. CUT IT OUT AND HIRE MORE BLACK PEOPLE.

4. Let Go, Let Kardashian: Because my friend believes in the notion of misery loving company, I was coerced into watching Kanye West’s bizarre acceptance speech for the Visionary Award at the 2015 BET Honors. The award was saluting his excellence as a creative, yet he spent much of his speech telling people that Kim Kardashian’s dad helped get OJ Simpson off and that Kim Kardashian has dated broke Black dudes. You know, I can understand Kanye’s initial urge to defend his wife given she doesn’t have the best reputation – for reasons unfair and rightly so – but at one point does one decide to stop defending their wife and their interracial relationship? I imagine after a baby, a wedding, and the realization that not many people really give a damn about them being married. Black people let Olivia Pope cook and we love Mariah Carey. Why are you pressed about this, Kanye? Oh, you’re insecure. How could one forget? Well, let that fuel your art, but cool it on Mrs. Kardashian-West. Live your life, beloved.

5. Silence Is Golden, Nick Gordon: I don’t know if Nick Gordon had a role in Bobbi Kristina Brown’s current troubles. That is for Williams, Torres, Garcia, and Benson to figure out with the help of Scrappy Doo. However, one thing I can say is that there will not be any disparaging remarks made about the Kang of R&B on my watch. I can understand the frustration, but people of the world, stop live tweeting that s**t.



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