Shade brigade miguel

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Michael Arceneaux, EBONY.com contributor and Master of Shade, calls out five of his biggest gripes from the past week. Rejoice and be read. Follow Michael @youngsinick.

 

1. Tyga Sorta Comes Clean About His Dirty Dating Life: Legend has it that Tyga is arguing it’s perfectly fine to date a 17-year-old he met when she was an even younger child because she’s a millionaire who runs a company and owns her own home. I know what you’re thinking. Yes, her millions are generated from the popularity of a TV show carried by her older sister, Kim Kardashian. Yes, those businesses are likely ran by her mother, manager, and Calabasas resident most likely to look away when statutory rape stands right in front of her, Kris Jenner. Yes, that home was likely paid for from money earned partially due to the popularity of big sister and likely handled by her mom and manager.

Whatever you say, though, Tyga. Sources claim Tyga is telling friends he “doesn’t give a f**k about what the law says.” Clearly. Unfortunately, the po-po can’t do anything about their relationship until someone claims. You can call the Los Angeles Sheriffs Department at 818-878-1808.



2. Woman With No Couth Compares Self To Rosa Parks: In ‘Delusional White Woman’ news, after two gunmen attempted to attack attendees at Muhammad drawing contest in Texas last weekend, the head of the group who put the “Draw Muhammad” event together is speaking out – and saying she’s just like Rosa Parks. In Pamela Geller’s interview with Fox News host Martha MacCallum, said of the criticism from folks like Donald Trump, “He sure flaps his tongue and uses free speech and wishes to silence others. What would he have said about Rosa Parks? Rosa Parks should never have gone to the front of the bus. She’s taunting people.”

Even MacCallum hit her with the, “No, no, no. How do you make the Rosa Parks comparison?” That was Geller’s cue to say, “You’re right. My bad, sis.” Unfortunately, she stubbornly pushed her position even harder – making her sound incredibly tone deaf and stupid in the process. God bless the fool.

3. Leave Breezy Be: I’m so mad that I’ve been put in the position of feeling bad for Chris Brown. And yet, here we are.

After discovering a stalker in his house, Chris took to Instagram to write: “I get home and find this crazy individual in my house. She had broken the hinges off the doors. She Found time to cook her several meals. She Wrote ‘I love you’ on the walls. She threw out my daughters clothing as well as my dogs stuff. Then had all these crazy voodoo things around my crib. goes to show you how crazy people are crazy! And she painted her name on my cars!!!! I love my fans but this is some on some real real crazy shit! I pray she will get help.”

Since we’re throwing out best wishes, I hope Chris gets a better security team. Meanwhile, why were you taking pictures of the crazy woman, Chris Brown? Yes, you’re basically the bridge between R&B and the UFC, but when you see a stranger being stranger in your space, you best duck and let other folks handle it.

4. Mimi Is Giving You The Best That She’s Got (Baby): I am a lamb, but I am also reasonable, which means I can say with no trepidation that the best years of Mariah Carey’s throat are long over. Mimi can still hit those notes that sound like mating calls to dolphin, but you’re probably going to need hand her a walker to help her walk through the verses in Las Vegas. Maybe she’ll get better; perhaps she’ll learn to rearrange her classic hits to accommodate where she lounges vocally these days; maybe Jesus will come down and hand her a miraculous lozenge himself. I’m not sure, but one thing is certain: YOU PEOPLE NEED TO BE NICE. MARIAH CANNOT HANDLE SEVERE CRITICISM RIGHT NOW.

If all else fails, I’m still here for a Mariah Carey jazz album. Moroccan’s mama can still hit those lower notes like no other.

5. Stop Trying So Hard, Miguel: I really like Miguel. As in, I have given him my money for both his albums and will very well likely purchase his third album, Wild Heart. That said, do me a favor, Mr. Pimentel: chill. Just a smidgen, if I’m asking too much. I’ve been reading recent interviews and all I can think is he really wants us to know he’s a sexual man who has sexual relationships with women and women only. I can only imagine how frustrating it was to be challenged on your sexuality simply because you didn’t want to dress like Jagged Edge or Chris Brown, who is basically “What if the kids from Another Bad Creation became adults and managed to dress the same?”

I get it, sir, but settle down. You’re doing a whole lot. Oh and when it comes to you answering a question about cheating on your longtime girlfriend with “I just know I’m wild at heart, man”: All I could hear was Beyoncé’s voice singing, “cliché/cliché/cliché.”

Nice try, but no. That’s just being a cheating THOT.



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