I’m not one to force monogamy on anyone. I believe it is a societal construct that was put in place to establish decency and order in American culture. As someone who practices monogamy, I also believe it is a choice. But by the time you reach a certain age, being a “player” should be well—played out.

For some people, having multiple women—or men as women can be players too —is a lifestyle. They get off on stringing people along and having multiple partners at their disposal. These types of individuals are selfish, and think that living the #Savagelife is what’s up.

But it isn’t.

No matter how honest you may be with the women or men you involve yourself with, it’s never cool to take advantage of someone’s emotions, even if they give you the green light.

Here are three reasons why being a player is old news.

1) You date multiple people to stroke your own ego.

There comes a point when your ego must be silenced by your confidence. If you are still looking to outside forces to boost your self-esteem, stop. Relying on how people feel about you for your own self-worth is a recipe for disaster. You will either become a people pleaser, or a master manipulator of someone’s emotions. Either way it isn’t a good look. If you’re 40 years old and still proud of the “h*es” you have, perhaps you should pause your love life and work on your esteem.

2) You’re afraid to get close to someone.

Many times, people who resort to living the player life have been badly hurt by someone they love. This could be by a friend, family member or love interest who they deeply loved and cared for. When you have romantic relationships with multiple people, you lower your chances of developing deep feelings for a particular person. Allowing the fear of getting hurt to dictate your behavior when engaging with others not only prevents you from getting hurt, but from receiving love.

3) You actually want to settle down.

Sometimes, those who wish to be in a committed relationship are the one’s screaming, “Eff love.” They actually want to settle down, but choose the road most traveled for a number of reasons. But ask yourself, “how well is being a ladies man or men’s woman serving me emotionally?” If you find yourself still feeling empty thanks to fear masked in the form of protection, be brave enough to give true love another chance.

Shantell E. Jamison is a senior editor for EBONY. She moderates various events centered on love, relationships, politics and wellness and has appeared on panels throughout the country. Her book, “Drive Yourself in the Right Direction” is available now. Keep up with Shantell via her website, Facebook, Twitter @Shantell_em and Instagram @Shantell_em.