Michael Arceneaux, EBONY.com contributor and Master of Shade, calls out five of his biggest gripes from the past week. Rejoice and be read. Follow Michael @youngsinick.


1. Can Riley Curry Live?: I can always count on the Internet to contribute to the decline of my faith in humanity. Stephen Curry’s daughter has become a viral sensation following her absolutely adorable appearance in Curry’s post-game press conference. Unfortunately, some sports journalists have complained about it – labeling it “unprofessional” while some argued that it violated the “sanctity” of the post-game presser. If you can use the word “sanctity” to describe a press conference, you should report directly into a black hole.

And while you’re at it, take the blogging fool who used the two-year-old girl to make a post about light-skinned privilege. Seriously, you miserable, insufferable, vile irregular versions of human beings: leave that damn baby alone.

2. Is Chris Christie Crazy?: It had been clear for some time now that Chris Christie lived in his own world, but his response to a recent a Quinnipiac University poll puts his damn fool levels to new heights. In terms of delusion, my man is the Mimi Faust of the GOP. So the poll revealed that 65 percent of New Jersey voters believe Governor Christie would make a bad president. Yet, when pressed about this by Fox News’ Megyn Kelly, Christie said the sentiment was rooted in “they want me to stay.” Christie went on to add, “And I’ve heard that from lots of people at town hall meetings. ‘Don’t leave to run for president because we want you to stay.'”

The people in your head don’t count, beloved.

3. Please Don’t Set Damita Jo Up: As soon as I heard that Janet Jackson herself confirmed a new album and tour, I got up and did the butterfly. Janet is everything and your favorites she likely heavily influenced would agree. That said, someone sent me an article entitled “Why pop divas should fear Janet Jackson’s comeback” all I could hear was Auntie Nippy and my mama saying, “Hell to the nah.”

Janet herself shared the article on Facebook, but I worry you stans are about to ruin the narrative of her comeback with these unrealistic expectations. I LOVE JANET JACKSON, but let’s be clear: She hasn’t had a hit album in more than a decade and the present climate of radio is not very favorable to Black women, nor to women of a certain age. Janet’s music will likely be amazing and I’m certain her tour will do well. However, in terms of album sales and radio airplay, let someone getting a check over such matters worry about that. Do not base your reaction to Janet’s comeback on such stats. She’s already made her mark so this is just a bonus for her and us, her fans. We don’t need to pit her against her younger counterparts (and sons) or the likes of Madonna and Mariah Carey. Chill.

4. Check Your Receipts: I’d like to hand deliver a dunce cap to Marina Abramović for putting Jay Z on blast for not making a donation he actually made. The artist threw a fit, claiming Jay Z “used” her and didn’t deliver on his promise. She then proceeded to compare him to Lady Gaga, who she championed. Not long after, The Marina Abramović Institute said Jay Z made a donation well over two years ago, only she was not informed.

To that point, this particular quote from Abramović stands out even more: “I will never do it again, that I can say. Never. I was really naive in this kind of world. It was really new to me, and I had no idea that this would happen. It’s so cruel, it’s incredible. I will stay away from it for sure.”

You know what’s so interesting about her “this kind of world” comment? For all her snobbery and thinly-veiled coded language, her superiority complex didn’t give her enough gusto to know of what she speaks before condemning someone. Blah.

5. So We Have To Thank Cops For Being Nice To Us Now?: CBS News among many other national outlets, have been sharing the story of Dr. Nada Owusu, a pediatrician in Danville, Va., who posted a photo to Facebook of her son standing next to Officer Matt Okes, who she praised for “being a good person waiting with my son” after he got a flat tire driving home from Virginia Tech.

Owusu said she shared the post the world because “there’s a lot of good in America and that needs to be heard. Police need our support.” I’m trying not to be cynical about this, but I can’t help but feel even if done with the best intentions, the fact that we have to thank police officers for being kind enough to treat us like human beings as opposed to just shooting us in cold blood speaks volumes. I’m glad Okes was kind to Dr. Owusu’s son, but a lot of people who look like Officer Okes are not so nice to men who look like Dr. Owusu’s son. If it is the intent of national media to exploit this post to deflect from that reality, it will not work.