Michael Arceneaux, EBONY.com contributor and Master of Shade, calls out five of his biggest gripes from the past week. Rejoice and be read.



1. I’m Not Saying You’re Stupid, But You Sound Simple: In response to criticism over this illustration featured in the Boston Herald, cartoonist Jerry Holbert offered the tried and true response that he had “no intention at all of offending anyone” and that he does not “think along the lines of racial jokes.” Well, you don’t have to because you’re a white male, which absolves you from such burdens. In any event, Holbert says, “I was thinking of myself. I really like watermelon.”

Meanwhile, in Holbert’s GoComics archive, the toothpaste was initially flavored as raspberry. Moreover, The Boston Herald, said of the illustration, “Contributors to our Editorial and Opinion pages have the right to express their views, and satire is clearly used in Jerry Holbert’s cartoon today.”

I’m having a finger in the air. Guess which one.

2. Leave Amber Rose Alone: Mere seconds after TMZ reported that Amber Rose filed for divorce from Wiz Khalifa, my social media feeds were immediately soaked and subsequently marinated in a mix of messages each echoing the sentiment “You can’t turn a ho into a housewife.” As fate would have it, Hot 97 personality and admitted friend to Amber Rose, Peter Rosenberg, revealed (without her knowledge) that it was actually Wiz who cheated on Amber – allegedly in a threesome with a pair of twins. Insert an ick here.

It truly does not matter who cheated on whom and why the marriage didn’t work. Most marriages don’t work regardless of what either spouse used to do for a living. And as far as Amber Rose selling sexual fantasies go, where’s the contempt for these rapper men who often do the same thing?  Meanwhile, no one is calling Wiz a “ho” nor is anyone throwing out these daggers in Amber’s direction admitting their own respective body counts. But that would be too much like right.

3. I See Your Chris Brown and Raise You A Montgomery Burns and Ebenezer Scrooge: In true troll fashion, the Wisconsin GOP announced that they filed a Freedom of Information Act request with the White House Office of Management and Administration seeking records related to “the inappropriate and violent soundtrack” that played during the event. The song in question is “Forever” and the lyrics that upset them so very much are, “So grab me by the neck and don’t you ever let go, mess me up so good until I’m begging for more.”

Heavens to Murgatroyd, a line about sex in aggressive fashion: impeach POTUS. What I hate about this stunt is that it further perpetuates this silly notion that we have to look at everything so saintly. Meanwhile, the voter suppression promoting unionbusting Gov. Walker (and so many other GOP cronies) are in bed with the Koch Bros., who want to eliminate the minimum wage, advance voter suppression, cut Pell Grants, decimate Obamacare, privatize social security while making certain that the ultra rich get to keep even more in their pockets by way of unneeded tax cuts. And yet, we’re supposed to all be concerned about Chris Brown’s lil’ EDM bop. The whole lot of them can fall through a trash chute.

4. OHMIGOD, Raising Half-A-Black Is SO HARD: Those two White lesbians went to a sperm bank with the intent of scoring a White rose only to find out that they were instead given the biological equivalent of a Hershey’s Cookies ‘n’ Cream candy bar. Now they’re suing the sperm bank for screwing up their order. Yes, they love their “beautiful, obviously mixed-race baby girl,” but Jennifer Cramblett was raised by an “all White and unconsciously insensitive family,” as well as a “racially intolerant” nearly all-White town. You know, like an overwhelming amount of White people.

Nevertheless, she and partner Amanda Zinkon’s lives are being complicated as they don’t know how to do the babies hair, and worse, their therapist suggested that they move into a more diverse neighborhood. Can you imagine? I mean, yes, ideally children are supposed to change, make you a little uncomfortable – and gasp – enlighten you to a world unfamiliar to you, but how dare their little Mariah Carey complicate their lives this way. Either way, it is the sperm bank’s fault, but these sound like trash parents. God bless, though.

5. Respect the freelancer’s hustle: Another day, another culturally dense piece published by the New York Times. This time it was about the TV show Portlandia and purportedly the freelance workers lackadaisical existence. Others have already opined on this, but let me just add if you think a freelancer doesn’t work as hard if not more than the average worker, I’ve got a to do list for you to tackle. And rest up ‘cause you’re gonna have to chase after your checks with the speed of a track star.