For the last decade or so, urban music has been filled with endorsements of strip clubs around the country, and praise has rained down on voluptuous exotic dancers in countless hip-hop verses and magazines. Videos are often filled in strip club settings, and what used to be secret getaways for soon-to-be-married men are now filled with men and women looking for everything from an entertaining sensual show to tasty wings. (Yes, people go for the food!) Some couples may find themselves seeking a new way to spice things up in their sex lives, and a visit to the strip club might provide just the sexy boost they need. There are, however, some rules to follow when stepping up in the club, whether it is your first or 51st time.

Set Boundaries

Before you two head out to visit the local strip club, make sure you have a conversation with each other about your hopes and concerns; mainly what you’d like to see each of you get out of the trip. You want to make sure you’re on the same page so that you both have the most enjoyable time imaginable. More often than not, one partner (usually male) is a little more familiar with the atmosphere, so he (or she) might need to coach the other a bit. When discussing limitations, be sure to specify how far you’re comfortable letting your partner go. Maybe you both decide that one or two private lap dances is fine, but a visit to the champagne room is not. This “pre-game” chat will smooth things over and ease any nervousness. It will also get you home safely and make sure no one sleeps on the couch that night!

Pay What You Owe

It’s a good idea to enter a strip club with a decent amount of money. The dancers are workers and most are trying to make a living or supplement other income. Your job is to pay them for the entertainment they provide. There’s nothing worse than a cheapskate couple sitting in the corner, watching all the dancers without tipping. If one of you sees a dancer whose moves really do it for you, show your appreciation with a nice tip. Every club has an employee who can make change, so “we only have a $100 bill” is no excuse. While one of you is receives a lap dance, the other can slide the base fee (usually around $20) into a G-string. If your lover is really turned on, you can also tip above the base fee. Think of the dancer as a waiter or waitress serving you both with all of the right moves. Be generous—or “make it rain,” as they say—if the dancer does an outstanding job.

No Means Absolutely Not

For some couples, going to a strip club is as close as either is willing to get to having a ménage à trois. You might find yourselves role-playing that the dancer is a third partner for the night. That’s perfectly fine (and immensely arousing), but you must remember to maintain physical boundaries. Each club is different, and some allow patrons to get more physically familiar with dancers than others. Make sure you familiarize yourselves and act accordingly. You’re not there to find a date to bring home for some kinky play; that’s what swingers’ clubs are for. Many dancers do enjoy conversation though, so if it helps you two feel more comfortable, ask some lighthearted questions and laugh a bit. If a dancer says, “no,” simply respect his or her wishes and focus on someone else. Who wants a reluctant table dance?

When in Rome…

You’re entering into a different world and this isn’t the time for you to frown your face up and look down at anyone. Remember, you’re choosing to go there. Dress accordingly. Ladies, this is your opportunity to pull out that freakum dress and show off those sexy curves.

Try not to appear nervous or embarrassed, and think of it as being in a dance club with live entertainment. Don’t point your fingers at anyone and definitely no catcalling or degrading comments (unless the dancer approves!). Relax, be yourselves, and enjoy each other. No one will care if you fondle each other in your dark corner. In fact, that might draw the attention of your favorite dancer who might want to help you two turn your night all the way up.

There are so many fun ways to spice up your sex life when you feel things are beginning to get boring and repetitive. Going to a (reputable) strip club can definitely inject some much-needed sexy energy into your routine. Get recommendations from friends, do some research online and choose a location that creates a positive working environment for exotic dancers of a legal age.

While some people are against the idea of strip clubs on principle, most folks support individuals who make a living however they can, even if it is dancing erotically for spectators. When you leave, be sure to discuss how you both feel and see if there is any tension. Pole dancing lessons anyone?

Feminista Jones is a sex-positive Black feminist, social worker and blogger from New York City. She writes about gender, race, politics, mental health and sexuality at Follow her on Twitter at @FeministaJones.