Rick Ross may pretend to be heavyset Tony Montana on records, but if you check with his accountant, you know he’s grief-stricken over potentially missing out on as much as $5 million as a result of Reebox dropping him as a client. For those of you who assumed that his second and more sincere-sounding apology (about his rape lyric) was rooted in him getting that check back, congratulations, you’re proving the value of cynicism. Ross is reportedly feeling entitled to his corporate master’s forgiveness considering “he did so much for the brand … bringing classic Reeboks back in style in the hip-hop community.” As of now, Reebok still doesn’t want to get back together. Insert Rick Ross grunt here. [TMZ]

Whoopi Goldberg doesn’t care who replaces her presumed soon-to-be-ex co-worker, Elisabeth Hasselbeck. During the Vanity Fair party at the Tribeca Film Festival in New York City this week, when asked about her potential replacement, the Oscar-winner said, "Let me tell you this about The View: I take a paycheck every other week. That's all I do. I could give a sh-t what comes. I do my job — I have a contract. That's where I stand. I don't give a f-ck.” [Us Magazine]

No matter what your friend and self-appointed Illuminati scholar told you on Facebook chat, Beyoncé and Jay-Z did not get President Obama to not only grant them permission to visit Cuba, but pay for the ticket as an anniversary gift and gesture in their Satanic-based friendship. When asked about Jay-Z’s “Open Letter” and the trip itself, President Obama told Savanah Guthrie on the Today show, "I wasn't familiar that they were taking the trip. You know, this is not something the White House was involved with. We’ve got better things to do.” Now will the press please go find some other unimportant event to make more than what it is already? [Concrete Loop]

A while back, K. Michelle said she wouldn’t make it to season three of Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta. Now, the singer and reality star says she’ll be getting her own show. She told a crowd during a recent performance: “God is just bringing me to a whole different place. My mouth is still bad. I drink and act a fool, but I just don’t think that [Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta] is where I need to be. I do have my own show coming on VH-1. You guys are gonna like that one a lot. You really are.” I’m sure the cast members who probably don’t want to film with her anymore are just as thrilled. As for the title of the spinoff, what about Brown Liquor and Tears? [Miss Jia]

Tyrese is somewhat sorry for saying overweight people are disgusting and earned their sloppy rolls of fat. Somewhat. In a series of tweets, Tyrese wrote, “I’m not apologizing for what I said I’m apologizing for the bad choice of wording and execution of my point around obesity. He added, “Y’all seen my documentary, I was brought in this world from a plus size mother and my sisters are plus size as well . . . I am concerned always!” So, “I don’t hate fat people, some of my favorite people are hefty.” And ever so modest, Tyrese noted, “This is what happens when you decide to not just be an artist or an actor but use your heart. It creates controversy and unwanted energy.” Actually, this is what happens when you speak with authority directly from your feet…that’s clearly been stepping in cow dung. Whatever helps you sleep better, though. [Carlton Jordan]

Rihanna keeps cancelling tour dates, citing illness, which has spurred rumors that something else might be behind her increasingly disjointed tour. Say, a pregnancy. I say to that “hell no” and so does an apparent source close to the pop singer. Besides, if she were knocked up, it’d probably be with a blunt. I mean, allegedly and all that. [Gossip Cop]

Also, Ciara says Rihanna is obsessed with her, is “nuts” and that despite it all she only wishes her “positivity.” Liar, liar, weave on fire. Yeah, even though this was years ago, Ciara started the little riff between the two when she got on Fashion Police and answered a question about an event by telling Joan Rivers, “RIHANNA WAS SO MEAN TO ME!” Let that be a lesson to us all: Don’t throw shade unless you’re ready to have the light snatched right back away from you. [Singersroom]

New rumors suggest Kelly Rowland might be the latest entertainer to hop on the merry go round that is the judges table at the American version of The X-Factor. Kelly, who was a judge on the U.K. version, would replace the role left by the lifeless version of The Legendary Ms. Britney Spears (It’s true. I don’t care! I don’t care! I don’t care!). However, Kelly’s got a new album coming out in June, and from the sounds of her first single, she’d make the most out of her summer twerking something on stage versus critiquing contestants on a show not many people watch. [Gossip On This]

La La Anthony is writing a book. On what you ask? According to the television personality and NBA wife: “The book is kind of about loving yourself from the inside out. The keys to being happy, happiness starting within you, like how to find that, and different things you can do in everyday life to find happiness and peace within you. To me, it all starts within you, and then everything else kind of radiates from there. The book comes out in January.” Okay, I’m not sure what it’s about, but I will say I bet it’s easier to find the peace within when you’re married to a handsome, multi-millionaire. Sell your rich lady Iyanla Vanzant musings, La. [Necole Bitchie]

After a very, very long delay, soul singer Teedra Moses has a new single out. Before you run to iTunes, check it out via her Soundcloud page. [Teedra Moses]

Coolio was arrested on April Fools’ Day over a heated argument with the mother of his son, Anabella Chatman, stemming over another woman he brought to the house they share. That reminds me: Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta is back on Monday, y’all! In any event, Anabella says Coolio struck her with his car as he fled the scene. Coolio was subsequently charged with a misdemeanor count of battery constituting domestic violence. On that note, may he slide-slide-splitty-slide with back into oblivion. [Crunk + Disorderly]

Michael Arceneaux is a Houston-bred, Howard-educated writer and blogger. You can read more of his work on his site, The Cynical Ones. Follow him on Twitter: @youngsinick