Regardless of what social media site you frequent, it’s almost inevitable that every couple of months an incident will occur that will cause a significant fracture between Black men and women who frequent that particular site. 

Past incidents like the Bill Cosby rape allegations, Nate Parker and the Birth of a Nation fallout and the often muted and reticent responses brothers have in regards to our sisters falling victim to state-sponsored violence, have led many Black women to openly disparage the support and protection they receive from us Black men as a whole. And when they start going in, many of us naturally respond by either stating, “Not all Black men…” or by asking, “Why do y’all Black women believe that Black men hate y’all?”

Well, if you want to know where a lot of that animus comes from, all you need to do is check out this Instagram clip of Trick Daddy.

PSA from #trickdaddy

A video posted by Baller Alert (@balleralert) on

Publicly as Black men, most of us will watch that and say, “C’mon bruh, he’s just playing around and if he is serious, he’s just talking about his preference. Nothing wrong with that.”

But privately, we know damn well that he’s not joking and he’s actually uttering an ideology that far too many of us have participated in at some point in our lives. The reason why so many Black women believe Black men hate them is because too many of us spew the same exact trash that this idiot did and way too many of us are unwilling to defend Black women. 

While interracial dating can still turn heads and draw side-eyes from all races, truth be told, most Black women aren’t overly concerned with which races of women that Black men choose to fetishize. But the reason it appears that far too many Black men are “jealous” (in those brothers’ words) of non-Black women is due to the fact that it’s incredibly difficult for many Black men to propagate their preferences without slandering all Black women. Just like Trick Daddy ranting about wanting to smash “these Spanish and these white hoes,” it always predictably boils down to an anti-Black women sentiment. 

Yet what may be even worse than the gaggle of troglodytes who collectively co-sign these ignorant ass statements, are the brothers who simply just remain silent. It’s one thing to affirm yourself squarely in an anti-Black mode predicated in an unflinching self-hatred, but to view Black women as so insignificant that they don’t deserve even the slightest defense is troubling. Because once again, as Black men, we know this is not just a Trick Daddy issue – it’s a mentality that runs far too deep among ourselves.

The problem with our collective silence and our inability to affirm the worth of the Black woman is that we truly expect her to affirm us whenever we’re disrespected. In the face of racist contempt, we view a Black woman’s silence as tacit complicity, yet when our women are disrespected through racism or self-hate, we equivocate. 

The fact is that it takes a lot of internalized hate for Black women to believe that other women are intrinsically worth more than them if they can do and have the same things in equal part. The same ignorant dudes that are fine with Black women being generalized and stereotyped are the same brothers tweeting that they shouldn’t be criminalized walking down the street in their hoodies. There is no rational defense of Trick Daddy’s ignorance and other BS mentalities like it—just plain ol’ acquiescence.

As Black men, we need to be strong enough to stand up to this kind of ignorance from our own, tell Trick Daddy to sit his Goomba-from-Super-Mario-lookin’ ass down and prove that we care about Black women beyond our mothers or daughters. It needs to happen because we’re all tired of Black girls having to internalize negativity all the time. 

There is no true support for the uplifting of the Black community if we are unable to protect Black girls and women from all threats, whether they arise within our group or not. Black women are here to be our partners and in many ways—from employment to education to entrepreneurship—they are outshining us. So the idea that they must “tighten up” to accommodate us is a trash ideal made by a trash dude. Maybe if more of us Black men “tighten up” we’ll have more to offer Black women than penis, going dutch on an Uber, and half-literate Insta-rants.